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Feb. 21, 2007 Hello, everyone. I want to thank you all once again for your lovely messages and e-cards. As I have intimated to some of you, I am still working diligently full time in law enforcement, part time as a student, and part time as a volunteer for three separate charities dear to my heart, with precious little time to spare these days. I did, however, want to take the time to wish you all a warm hello from the cold Northeast. I noticed that our resident UK critic Mr. Tom Pain is writing again and I am delighted that he has chosen to reconnect with his creative side. I am also hoping that he has taken my advice to volunteer somewhere where he will not be the primary recipient of attention. Mr. Pain may not know of how one might be able to do such a thing for an organization; so, I wanted to offer him some suggestions on where he could do this without the red tape some organized charities make a potential volunteer cut through, and what he might do to spark compassion and empathy for others within himself. Firstly, Mr. Pain should simply walk into the senior citizens center in his local area. Upon entering, he should ask the attendant to direct him to the activities room. He then should offer free foot massages and pedicures to the residents, choosing the most pungent and neglectful of feet first. Supplies he will need: a medium sized basin for soaking the feet, nail files, nail clippers, small sponges, paper towels, and foot cream. Mr. Pain should listen attentively as the recipients speak, only nodding and smiling, or offering brief words like, “I am sorry to hear that,” if/when unpleasant things are relayed to him. If he accidentally causes any discomfort to the recipients, he should say, “Please, allow me” and proceed to passionately kiss the injured foot. Prior to exiting, he should drink one cup of soiled footbath water. This will speed the development process of empathic abilities. Secondly, Mr. Pain should visit the lower income areas of his state. He should go to the nearest projects, knock on strangers’ doors, and volunteer to do their laundry for them. If anyone disrespects him, Mr. Pain should simply smile and say, “Thank you for sharing your feelings; I am now a better man because of your words,” and proceed to the next door to offer his help. Items he will need: box of large garbage bags for transporting the clothes, labels to identify whose load is enclosed, three large bottles of laundry detergent, three bottles of bleach, two boxes of dryer sheets, and single dollars/change for the local Laundromat. Before completion, Mr. Pain should drink one glass of water from the rinse cycle from the load of his choice. Again, this is to give birth to the feelings of empathy and compassion within himself for others. Thirdly, TP really should volunteer at a local hospital, exclusively requesting bedpan duty. Slowly, with the skill of an artisan, he should remove soiled adult diapers, fetch pans, and clean them. He should emphatically thank each and every person who he does this for, taking the time to inhale and savor each aromatic distinction. Lastly, Mr. Pain could pass out flowers and vegetarian informational leaflets at the next hunting rally in his state. Sans clothing, with his face and body painted like a delicious floral fantasy, he could randomly offer intoxicating colorful blooms to those so intent on inflicting cruelty and death. Supplies he will need: body paint and brushes, assorted loose flowers of his choosing, and vegetarian informational leaflets from PETA. I believe Tom Pain will blossom magnificently into the precious Aquarian flower child he was born on Planet Earth to be, only if he opens his heart and shuts his mouth. I, The Avenger, who happens to be an Aquarian, too, am rooting for this man who reserves a very tender place within my bleeding heart. ------------ About the author: The Avenger is well... The Avenger! Email: theavengerspeaks@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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