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Tom Pain, Tactless And Factless

By Thomas Keyes
Feb. 16, 2007

Tom Pain accuses me once a day, if not more often, of being bigoted towards homosexuals and Jews, and of hating America .  These three slanders are nonsensical.  I posted five short sketches of the tragic lives of homosexuals I have known as friends, raising the question whether homosexuality is entirely wholesome after all.  This was all done in the most objective, impartial, heuristic way.  As for Jews, it is true that I have criticized Israel and its sympathizers in the US repeatedly.  This was not done out of hatred for Jews, but out of respect for Muslims, many of whom also I have known as friends and whose co-religionists are being butchered today by US-Israel forces.  I presented only the facts; I didn’t invent anything, as Pain keeps suggesting in his odious diatribes.  As for America , of course I don’t hate America .  I was born there and lived most of my life there.  But I believe I do enjoy the right of criticizing American policy in the Middle East .  Pain seems to think that if I hate Bush’s lies, I hate America also, but that is ludicrous.
 
Anyway, let me point out some of the stylistic excesses and twisted logic that appear under the name (sc. alias) of Tom Pain.  He spews the vilest rhetoric about this, that and everything.  Here are a few examples from his articles.  Actually, I could produce hundreds of excerpts demonstrating his bad taste and crass style.
 
1.) Here is one of Pain’s sentences about someone involved in an automobile accident:
“Where are the bloodsucking scum now, when one of their celebrity heroes is driving down the road killing people?”
 
 
2.) Here is one of Pain’s insults to his fellow UK contributors:
“And lest you think me completely heartless, I try my best to avoid confrontation with another poor, feeble-minded sap that rises out of his drool puddle to misspell angrily at me in there.”
 
 
3.) Here is Pain, stereotyping illegal Mexican immigrants:
“If he were stealing from you, raping your wife, and sending his children to your schools such that your children’s education was suffering, would you be upset?”
 
 
4.)  This obnoxious viper says that I am bigoted about homosexuals, but look at his comments:
“This is what the gay agenda is about; it’s not about wanting their ox gored like everyone else. Even the gays who don’t understand these larger issues in play want gay marriage because it would raise their low level of self esteem that results from acting on behavior that 90% of people find repulsive. I’m sorry that they feel so bad about themselves, but it’s not society’s fault. I guarantee that if 10% of society suddenly decided that they just had to eat their own boogers, they would suffer a loss of self-esteem because the other 90% find it repulsive. Does that mean that the 90% should be forced to acknowledge booger-eaters in public? Should restaurant owners be forced to allow a booger-eater to sit next to his other patrons? Why must society be forced to acknowledge gays? The preferred destination of one’s genitals is simply not a characteristic that merits distinction by society. Should schools start teaching children about the many great achievements made throughout history by people who ate boogers?”
 
5.) Pain always whines about the crimes of Clinton and Kennedy, but never mentions those of Bush:
“Where was US law enforcement when Bill Clinton was raping with impunity? Where were they when Ted Kennedy was killing a woman?”
 
6.)  Pain continually resorts to ridiculous exaggerations, usually patting himself on the back at the same time:
“Again, Keyes wants us to believe in his bogeymen in the shadows, who secretly make things happen without leaving evidence of their manipulations. I outgrew those monsters years ago.”
 
7.) Pain hates Europeans, despising the millions who died in the wars, thereby keeping the enemy from American shores:
“They act like sissies, and it seems only a matter of time before some bully kicks their @ss again. Of course, they’ll come asking for our help when that happens, even though they do nothing but slander us now.”
 
8.)  Pain constantly invents “quotations”, like this one he puts in the mouth of Valerie Plame:
“‘Why, you could order me to document his qualifications,’ she said, ‘I’ll make him sound like an expert. Plus, we won’t even have to pay him, except his expenses, I know a few liberal pukes that’ll pay him a big book advance when he gets back.’”
 
9.) Pain thinks he’s an historical analyst, but often produces semi-literate garbage like the excerpt below.  “Back when,” he says.  Dates and facts are not his strong points:
“But yes, Might does Make Right. The Arab countries have gotten their butts kicked every time they’ve attacked. Thus, Israel continues to exist. Just as the Jews got their butts kicked by the Romans back when or they would have never lost the legitimate claim to Palestine that Thomas claims they no longer have.”
 
10.)  Pain often presents false “facts”, later claiming that he refuted somebody’s arguments.  He always won every argument, to hear him tell it, but no one ever asked him to tell it.  Russia is only eighth in the world in oil reserves:
“Which country has the largest proven oil reserves? Russia . Historically our greatest enemy, Russia has all the oil it needs. Unless we also had access to Middle Eastern oil during the Cold War, it very likely would have ended differently.”
 
11.)  Pain often writes wild gibberish.  Believe it or not, this is from an article about liberals, Socialists and Democrats:
“If you’ve ever taken Timothy Leary’s famous advice and wondered why you’ve not experienced the traumatic ‘flashbacks’ the establishment warned would result, just talk to a liberal, socialist, or Democrat – the walls melt, colors intensify, and spiders spew from your navel. Don’t, I repeat, don’t, do this during your child-bearing years unless spatulas frequently disappear in your kitchen – in which case, a ‘flipper’ baby will come in handy.”
 
12.)  Pain makes wild exaggerations.  I’ve never written any hysterical rages about Jews.  I’ve criticized Israel and American Zionists repeatedly, but there was no hysteria about it at all, nor was I in a rage.  He may have rebutted; he has never refuted.
“In fact, my rebuttals of Thomas' hysterical rages against Jews have all been thoroughly documented and founded on facts.”
 
13.) Pain contradicts himself.  While touting America , in another article, because Bill Gates can get rich here, while he could not have done so in Europe , Pain, listing some of his dozens of pet hates, includes wealthy CEO’s:
“Like most people, I hate thieves, con artists, and good-for-nothings. Unlike most people, I include most Americans receiving government entitlements, all those advertisers, half of our country's government workers, many professional athletes, and almost every politician in one or more of those groups…I also include most of the senior managers of our country's largest public corporations. I do not understand why those CEOs can be worth $20m, $50m, even $100m per year.”
 
14.) Pain dishes out another comprehensive insult to fellow contributors.  If we’re such idiots, why doesn’t Pain leave?  Please, please, please leave!
“This isn’t intelligent conversation; these aren’t debates. This is nothing but stubborn idiocy. If the site were seeing a few new idiots, I might be hopeful of stumbling upon an open mind, but it’s just the same tired authors day after day.”
 
15.)  Pain demonstrates his lack of tact and finesse at every possible juncture:
“I say all this after reading Michele (sic) Malsbury’s fawning article on George Clooney’s appearance on Larry King. One can almost envision her wringing her pants out as she typed.”



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About the author Thomas Keyes: I have written two books: A SOJOURN IN ASIA (non-fiction) and A TALE OF UNG (fiction), neither published so far.

I have studied languages for years and traveled extensively on five continents.

Email: udikeyes@yahoo.com


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