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Global Warming And The Death Of Earth

By Michael John McCrae
Feb. 2, 2007

Well, the report to end all reports was published the other day and it is a given. Man is destroying the world and man can now do nothing about it. Al Gore’s global warming bus tour and traveling snake oil review is now unnecessary. The last report that needs reporting has been reported. We are all doomed!

Now that I know exactly how many years I have left before I have to move to Mount Ararat in Turkey to keep my feet dry. I now know there is no need for me to do any long term investing in the stock market. I do not have to horde gold or buy any 25 year savings bonds. I should probably retire tomorrow so I have at least a couple of years to enjoy some fishing before all the world’s seas become devoid of appreciable sushi edibles.

I’m really worried now. Al Gore finally got his Nobel Peace Prize nomination. Just in time too! If he waited another year the world’s smokestacks might have spewed forth enough second-hand sulfur that Al Gore would not be on hand to receive what he surely believes he is entitled to. But with the world on the brink of the final breath for the final human I would think Al Gore would want to be home with his family getting in as much snuggle-time as possible before the final curtain.

America should have worried less about high unemployment rates and signed on to the Kyoto Protocol! We should have determined to pay for all the world’s pollution credits. We should have sucked up all the debts of the world’s greatest polluting societies. China would have loved us and stopped trying to develop satellite destroying technology that clutters the Earth’s orbit with annihilated, man-made debris. India would maybe have signed a treaty paying back pollution credits sucked up by America with discount “7-11” coffee!

ARGH! We are all going to die! And very soon too if you buy into the “very likely caused by man” scenario of this new report. Let’s face it; even a pseudo scientist needs a paycheck. The hype concerning this latest in a series of major sky-is-falling reports sure makes it look like America had better start toeing more of the environmentalist line drawn in the sand (disturbing myriad sand denizens I might add) or the world will collapse upon itself centuries sooner than expected. Our great-great-and greatly-great grandchildren are really-really-and really going to think ill of us if we all don’t give up our SUVs for more environmentally friendly solar and wind-powered conveyances.

We have got to do something! I don’t want to die gasping for that last bit of ozone withheld oxygen! I want to live!

Write to your congressmen and congresswomen. Tell them to stop worrying about North Korean nukes and Iranian radicalism. Tell them to let the soldiers fight the war and to begin concentrating on how America can save the world by becoming even cleaner than the cleanest nation already among all other nations. This is all America ’s fault! American SUVs are destroying the planet. Tell John Kerry to tell his family to give up their SUVs and start riding bicycles. Tell those congress-people to stop all the junketing all over the world to schmooze and photo op with Chavez and Ortega and Assad and Ahmadinejad! We need them all home voting on tons of liberal legislative directives to save the planet from this self-destructive behavior that causes global warming. We need 12 Arbor Days a month! We need some trees planted dag-nab-it!

We need wind farms! We need more solar panels! We need hydrogen cars and trucks and busses! We need hydrogen airplanes! We need a good alternative to the disposable diaper and the flush toilet! We need Al Gore!

Fifteen years ago Ted Dansen said the world’s seas only had 10 years left so you can imagine how much closer to death the world’s seas are now 15 years later. Al Gore said two years ago that we only had ten years left before the world imploded and we are now facing the great beyond in only eight years.

Imagine, eight years; just one short Democrat presidential administration long and half of a two term Republican administration. You would think Hillary would be screaming for Bush to unilaterally correct all the world’s global warming before the next Democrat was elected. The democrats want Bush to end the war against terror before he leaves office so they don’t have to deal. Why not demand the same concerning global warming, the war on drugs, and the war on poverty and Social Security reform?

Someone has to eventually wake up to the fact that America cannot continue to be the world’s piggy-bank. Global warming is a scam based in scare-tactics designed to look like legitimate science. The whole deal is designed to keep money flowing into the pockets of people who write books and give speeches about the evil of America’s inability to sign on to a treaty that will cost America billions of dollars to the benefit of other countries currently overusing and abusing fossil fuels.

When we see other countries taking these pseudo-scientific warnings seriously enough to begin cleaning up their own superfund sites America is right to ignore the pleas of the environmental beggars.

America has an EPA and the cleanest air and water the world over. We charge the highest fines for non-compliance to laws already shoved down the throat of the American public and we care more for turtles, fish, owls and polar bears than any other nation on the planet. We have declined to build alternative nuclear power generation. We have declined to search for alternative fuel sources to protect caribou and we have not tried to forcibly re-direct the drilling of Cuba , Communist China and Mexico in the Gulf of Mexico to protect our own shores. When they commit their oil spills we will certainly be the first on the scene to help clean them up.

You environmentalists really should go home and play with your kids. There are only a few short years left and according to this last report of all global warming reports, man will never recover from what he has already wrought on Earth’s environment!

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About the Author: Michael John McCrae has contributed over 700 articles to Useless-Knowledge.com.

Email: macswordV@hotmail.com


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