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Aug. 9, 2007 Getting frustrated and angry with our children is a very common occurrence, never more so than with today’s hectic lifestyle. Juggling the need for financial security and the needs of our families is a very complex business. This juggling process is putting our young ones at terrible risk when we try and handle too many things at once without help. We are hurting our babies both mentally and physically, even to the extent of killing them. In the whole of the animal kingdom, humans are be slipping down the ladder fast. We are ‘supposedly’, the most intelligent of the animal species, yet we treat our young worse than any of the ‘less intelligent’ animals do. Don’t you think it is time for us to stop and take a serious look at ourselves? No matter what financial bracket or ‘Social Position’ a family is perceived to be in, there is no excuse not to admit the need for help when family begin to suffer for one reason or another. We all need a helping hand at some time in our lives. There is no place for false pride or so-called shame when it comes to our nations treasures … our children. There are times when the carer seems to reach the end of their tether. The kids are being absolute horrors. The whole day is going down the toilet fast and your nerves are stretched to braking point. (We’ve all been there.) You know instinctively that you are very close to physically, or verbally, hurting your children. STOP Take a deep breath. Take a look around and make sure there is nothing they can hurt themselves with and remove yourself from the room. If you are able, ring a family member; friend, help-line etc. (look in your phone book under Health services) If not, stay there until you calm down. Sometimes a change of scene will help you all to get back on track. When you have calmed down enough, it may be possible for you to go for a walk or to a playground for a while. There are times when a partner can intervene and take the children off your hands for a while. This is also where extended family can be a major help. There are many organisations available now for practical help and advice. Never think that you are the only one to come across a particular problem. There is no situation that has not been encountered in one form or another by someone else. With the need for both parents to work away from the home in today’s society, the pressures on family life can be extreme. From the mother’s aspect, the tug of some strong emotions makes it very hard to prioritise. * The maternal instinct can be very strong and the knowledge that the best for our child is to have us close can cause a great deal of guilt. * The need to spend ‘Adult’ time with our partner is very important for our own self-growth and to reinforce the fact that we are a desirable woman and not just a baby-factory. * The fact that we feel as if we are contributing to the family finances, and that we do not have to rely on someone else to dole out every cent that we need to spend, is a great moral booster. * We also need time on our own to meet our friends or to indulge in something that is not related to the family. From the Father’s aspect, the emotions can be just as strong as the Mothers. * The paternal instinct to support and protect his children and partner is a strong driving force. * The need he has to spend time with his children, getting to know them and reinforcing the bond between them is very important. * To have quality time alone with his partner and be able to express himself as a desirable man is a very necessary part of his life. * Also, the need to do ‘bloke things’ with his mates or spend time on activities not related to family is important in giving him an identity of his own. * To know that he can financially take care of his family is a major part of his psyche, and guilt and resentment can build up sometimes when his partner works outside the home too. From the child’s aspect, growing up can be a very scary and confusing time. * The need to have Mum or Dad close by is very reassuring. * To know that they can explore or investigate their surroundings in safety and that there are guidelines to follow, gives them a good feeling of security. * To have the expectancy of only ever knowing soft caresses, mended hurts, love and warmth from the hands of their parents is their right. * To be greeted with a smile and welcoming arms when they come home from school or a friends place is also their right. * To be treated with love and respect by everyone, especially family members, is an intrinsic right of everyone, particularly children. * To know they can trust those nearest to them is one of the most important things in their lives. Extended Family also has feelings towards the individual family units that make up the whole. * There is usually a strong feeling of love and responsibility to the children. * There is also the love and concern they have for the adults of the unit. * They may not agree with all the decisions made by those adults but that is natural. * Some may be unwilling to say or do anything that could be seen as interfering. * Some may also be unwilling to report family members to the authorities when they see inappropriate behaviour that puts children at risk. I feel it is time for the extended family to be more positive in their relationship with the youngsters that are our future. We need to be far more observant as to what is happening in their lives and the dynamics of the various family units. We have to get over this feeling of interfering when it comes to the health and safety of our babies. It is not only the extended families that need to take responsibility but the community as a whole. Neighbours, friends, strangers, all should be on the lookout for abuse of any description involving children in particular. Our professionals already do a very good job in this field but the first line of defence has to come from the home. Maybe we need to make regular medical check-ups for our under 10yrs and increase the profile and funding of our Plunket Nurses to attend our under 5year olds. If we don’t look after our future, our future won’t be around to look after itself. ------------ Email Pauline Clementson: p.clementson@actrix.co.nz Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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