Because this article represents my last will and testament as Editor, and because like most articles on U-K it will receive less than 30 readings, I will keep it painfully brief.  I’m here to announce some bad news for y’all:  I am stepping down from my role as Editor of Useless-Knowledge.

No, no.  Please.  Don’t try to stop me.  Please… here is a Kleenex for your crocodile tears.  I leave here knowing that I’ve left this place in the most useless shape it’s been in years.  I don’t believe anyone could ask for more than that.

I’d especially like to take this opportunity to thank my boss Matt, for allowing me the chance to repeatedly smite and embarrass mine “enemies” online, and best of all, get paid to do it.

Please don’t fret.  The place is in great shape.  I mean, just look at these statistics for August 1, 2007:



As shown, our top hit-getter continues to be this little guy right here, Mr. favicon.ico:


This tiny blue shirt is, to a large degree, responsible for the freedoms we currently enjoy on U-K, and my hat’s off to him... er, it.  Sitting in a close 3rd position, behind direct hits to the main page itself, resides your friend and mine, the U-K guy himself:  /images/uktop.jpg:



Where would we be without him?

I’m also immensely proud to say two of my creative additions are in 4th and 5th places, respectively:  the Editor’s Banner, and the Contest Winner’s Banner.




At nearly 200 hits per day each, these click-able gems deserve a big round of applause.  (Thank you... but could you make it a little louder?)  There we go.

How about our top-ranked article, you ask?  Which U-K author is literally ripping it up, and garnering the lion’s share of the website hits?  Why, it’s the reclusive Clara B. Freeman, with her stunningly useless, second-hand scoop on Mark Foley and pedophilia!  Clara is scooping up over 50 hits in a single day, just ahead of the always reliable RSS-Feed, and clearly superior to Thomas Keyes’ insipid -- yet ceaselessly clicked -- translation of a French love song.

All the other articles, and by definition all the other authors on U-K, simply pale in comparison to these stellar examples of online excellence.  I’m honored to be associated with them, and I’m a better man for it.

The search-string statistics tell the whole (useless) story, and I’ll leave you with your one-and-only glimpse of the “men behind the U-K curtain,” those hidden turbines behind the magnificent literary kingdom we’ve all been so privileged to be a part of:

I hereby give huge, boisterous, entirely useless shout-outs to “amber frye”, and “controlling personality” for their peerless hit-gathering efforts.  I couldn’t have done it without both of you. 

Farewell, my U-K companions, and always remember this:

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