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Aug. 2, 2007 Cell phones. I’m serious, this has gone too far. At the place I work, I walked into the bathroom to take care of some personal business. My body is a finely tuned machine, well-trained to extract necessary nutrients, in this case the necessary nutrient being caffeine, and expel that which is not needed in the shortest amount of time possible. As I walk in, I hear a conversation in one of the stalls. There is a guy talking on a cell phone, while doing what ever it is he’s doing. The mind boggles at what was so important that it couldn’t have waited. Some hugely important stock tip that had to be purchased in the next 60 seconds? A call from a doctor informing you that your testes will explode the next time they are exposed to liquid? There is only one reason to carry on a phone conversation in the bathroom: Telemarketers. Nothing ends a telemarketers call faster then hearing someone mutter, “Man, I shouldn’t have had that Mexican dinner last night”, followed by a grunt, a splash and then “hey wow, it looks like a Van Gogh.” Does anyone remember when tech support was actually support? It appears that all tech support has moved to India . The actual problem is now secondary to speaking and understanding a foreign language. That foreign language being English. Back when I did the computer tech support gig, we knew the software and hardware well enough to be able to solve problems with out having to escalate virtually every call to a higher level. We were interviewed with the interviewer asking technical questions and were trained on the software we were supporting. Nothing personal to India tech support but it appears that they ask 2 questions before escalating to level 2. Those 2 questions are “is the unit plugged in” and “can you power cycle?” if neither of those work, then the tech is at a loss. Based on some date mining that I’ve been doing, it seems the primary skill set required is the ability to read English and follow a script. Of course this leads to the idiocy of some corporate stuffed shirt wondering why most Americans are dissatisfied with the quality of American products and services. The general corporate mentality is another one and no where is this more evident then the oil industry. They, of course, treat the general public as if we are all lobotomized 2 year olds with the mentality of squash. They generally act as if they only raise prices so they can stay in business. Then of course, with the glee of successful potty training announce record profits, not sales but profits, give their retiring CEO’S golden parachutes of 50 million dollars. Then when questions are asked, they once again with the innocence of a 3 year old explaining why the family dog is now bald, explain that they are just doing business. Sorry but where I’m from that is called fertilizer. Where has common sense gone? It seems that there are prisoners’ (to be politically correct someone that is living in state supplied housing) that have decided that they are women trapped in man’s body. Now I don’t know if they have always felt this way or as a result of being in the gray bar hotel they have arrived at this decision as a result of conditioning by other prisoners’. In any case, these prisoners have decided that they want the taxpayers, you and I, to pay for this operation and the resulting lifelong hormone treatments. Personally I think gender re orientation surgery (in essence do you want indoor plumbing or an outhouse) is wrong as your sex is decided by your DNA and also one might imagine that being in prison might bring up other more immediate issues other then “I don’t feel good about myself”. JOKE BREAK. A cowboy, dressed in the hat, boots and chaps, is sitting at a bar when a young man in a 3 piece suits walks up to him and asks “are you a real cowboy”? The cowboy answer’s “yep, I spend all day on a horse, rounding up cattle, fixing fences and working in the outdoors.” The young man walks away and an older guy walks up and asks the same question and receives the same response. A few minutes later a young well dressed lady sits down and asks the same question and in return receives the same response. Attempting to make some conservation with the young lady the cowboys asks “what do you do”? the young lady responds, “I’m a lesbian”, to which the cowboy asks “what is a lesbian”? “well, I think of women all day, of being with women, spending the night with women, I love women”. With that, the young lady gets up and walks off. The cowboy sits there, drinking his beer obviously deep in thought. A few minutes later, someone once again asks him “are you a real cowboy”? to which the man responds, “I always thought I was but I just found out that I’m a lesbian”. END OF JOKE BREAK With the legal system having more issues then a one eyed roofer, its probably only a matter of time before a precedent is set allowing one of these boobs to actually achieve their dream of achieving boobs and getting their operation. In the interest of cost cutting might I suggest a corporate discount to GNC and a high quality paper cutter. If you truly feel that you are in need of gender re orientation surgery then this is a free country and I say have a good time however do not expect me to pay for it. This is your issue and if you are in prison then this is something that you should have thought of before you did what ever it is you did to get locked up. The democratic candidates have me a bit worried. The two front runners are Clinton and Obama. No democratic candidate has won the presidency without winning the south and this of course brings to the forefront two issues of the front runners. One’s a woman and one is black. Would the south vote for a black candidate or a woman? Some experts say that the winning ticket would be Clinton/Obama however would the south even bother to show up? It’s still early in the game however and a lot can happen before the wheat get’s separated from the chaff. Obama’s inexperience, Edwards 600 dollar haircuts all need to be resolved before the fat lady sings which of course could cause a new scandal if Bill’s around. ------------ About the author: Tracey Stevens is a longtime contributor of Useless-Knowledge. Email: phoque62@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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