What Would Jesus Do? He'd Shoplift Wal-Mart

Articles

What Would Jesus Do? He'd Shoplift Wal-Mart

By Mark Gelbart
Apr. 19, 2007

Robin Hood's not much of a hero among modern day white people, especially in the south. My previous essay, Be a Modern Day Robin Hood--Shoplift Wal-Mart, was lambasted on the Augusta Chronicle message board. The thread where I linked this article was pulled and then my posting privileges were revoked. I've condemned the president, the vice-president, republicans in Congress, and oil companies on that message board. I've even cheered the possibility of Bush being impeached and Cheney dying of a heart attack so Nancy Pelosi could become president. Yet, it was an article criticle of Wal-Mart that led to my banishment there. That shows who really rules this country. White Augustans, mostly old school Southerners who bow to people in power whether they be cotton-growing, slave-holding plantation owners or big corporate executives and their good old boy lackeys in Congress, don't appreciate the legend of Robin Hood, but they do worship Jesus Christ. Maybe they'll be inspired by the actions and philosophy of the anointed one.

Jesus preferred the company of thieves and was actually a thief. When he wandered the countryside with his disciples, he was not unlike a dirty, smelly, hippie. (Matthew 15: 2) They held no jobs whatsoever and lived off whatever food and goods they could mooch or simply take. This is even documented in the bible. In Matthew 12: 1 and Luke 6: 1 Jesus and his disciples went through a farmer's field and took his grain because they were hungry. They certainly didn't pay for it because it was on the Sabbath when this occurred and it wasn't lawful to exchange money on that day.

There is no doubt Jesus sympathized with poor people and was critical of the rich. In Matthew 19: 21 he says rich people should sell what they have and give to the poor. Unfortunately, the rich executives of Wal-Mart sucker working class people into their stores and make huge profits off them. The family that owns Wal-Mart is the richest in the world and they give very little (as a percentage of their profits) to the poor. Jesus doesn't think rich people have much of a chance to go to heaven. (Matthew 19: 23) Christianity was founded as and always has been a religion of poor people and slaves whose lives on earth are so miserable they can only make it through this world by clinging on to the belief of a better life in the afterworld. Jesus's flock includes Wal-Mart shoplifters but probably not the owners of Wal-Mart because "it's easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than get a rich man to heaven."

Jesus was crucified with thieves, undoubtedly demonstrating the company he kept. (Matthew 27: 38, Mark 15: 27) The interpetation is obvious. God not only forgives Wal-Mart shoplifters, he encourages them and if on earth today, would participate. On the day Jesus returns I bet he arrives in a Wal-Mart parking lot, heads inside, and sticks an ipod under his garment where it will be held in place by his golden sash. His loose-fitting clothes are the ideal shoplifting outfit. So follow Jesus's footsteps--shoplift Wal-Mart.

------------

About the author Mark Gelbart: My book, Talk Radio, is a black comedy about a radio talk show host who gets kidnapped and psychologically tortured by a loser.

http://www.authorsden.com/marksgelbart

Email: agelbart@aol.com

Comment on this article here!

------------

All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED!