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 By Jack Lepiarz Apr. 11, 2007 Around this time last year, I started to feel an overwhelming desire to get away from Madison High School. I felt an overwhelming desire to go out into the world and find something exciting--do something exciting. Up until then, most of my life's excitement had been contained in the relatively small world of writing. When I wrote, I could make up whatever I wanted, whatever exciting things I wanted to happen could happen in novels, short stories, etc. It's no accident that I this was when I started working on a story about a young boy named Liam Anderson (a pseudonym I've used more than once) running away from home and finding excitement and adventure in Vermont and New Hampshire. That was in April. By May I'd written well over thirty pages and was well on my way to what I figured would be my third novel. At the same time, my own thoughts and feelings were getting more and more frustrated. The teen angst was sharp and without relief. I was at the point where I was frequently angry and was taking more and more long trips driving around northern New Jersey--if only to get away from home and have time to myself. I would turn up my radio and forget the frustrations of the day--how many days I had until graduation, how tired I was, emotionally and physically, and a growing feeling of emptiness inside of me. It wasn't that I was depressed, although it certainly felt like something very close to it. It was more of a lack of emotion. There was only disgust for those around me and an overwhelming desire for something new--something to break the cycle of monotony that was driving me crazy in the final months of the school year. May dragged on. I met a girl. I asked her if she wanted to get lunch. She said yes. And here was a little bit of something. Something new, something fresh, something to break that monotony. March, April, and May are all a blur to me, but I remember meeting this girl and I remember the strange excitement I felt about this. Not because I thought that this girl was an angel from heaven, but simply because this was something new. She was someone new. There was some hope in my life for something other than the same old drag. I could feel like something exciting was actually going to happen in my life. And with this new excitement came a feeling of freedom. All of the sudden, I felt much more relaxed. I felt free. The monotony of the past few months had weighed me down, had made me feel like there was no hope for something better to happen because I knew everyone at my high school and I could predict what anyone would do or say or how they would act. This unpredictability and this hope was exhilarating. After that I became a different person. Naturally my confidence levels went up to the point where I couldn't deny arrogance, but along with it came a feeling of strange solitude. Not loneliness, but a feeling of self-reliance and almost a desire to be alone. Over time that feeling has transposed itself into my personality to the point that it's simply who I am. Over the summer, it got to the point where I practically ignored everyone I knew. I took even longer car rides--now even to Pennsylvania, simply thinking about life, the future, and, naturally, college. Looking back on that time period, I have to say that it was probably one of the happiest times of my life. I had absolutely no responsibility as far as schoolwork was concerned, I was going to my dream college, and it was summer! The entire atmosphere was easygoing and carefree. But, of course, all things must come to an end, and this period of my life was no exception. Eventually I went back to school, and arrived in Boston in the middle of a hurricane, an inauspicious start, to say the least. Even in mid-August I felt my feelings of tension returning. I felt myself growing more frustrated with life and how things were going. I arrived at Emerson largely in the same mood that I was in during late May of 2006--bitter, angry, and cold. I didn't let it show--at least not at first. Eventually, though, those feelings dissipated. I didn't get that feeling of overwhelming happiness back, but I found a relative medium between the two in December and January. It's April 11th now. In three weeks, I'll be home and on summer vacation again. What I'm wondering is, will this summer be as satisfying as the last, or will I come back to Emerson bitter, angry, and even more spiteful towards people here? I don't know. I really don't know. ------------ About the author: Jack Lepiarz is an 18-year-old college student at Emerson College in Boston. He also co-hosts the Katherine and Jack Show on UthTV.com and has been performing various circus talents for the past several years. Though often described as stubborn and egotistical, he tries to keep an open mind and treat others the way he would like to be treated. Email: Jackwuzhere42@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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