I don’t argue with Ken much, except about his opinion of me.  I write about others, he calls me a name, I ask him why, he never says, we repeat the process.  I usually agree with what I think he says.  I think.  I suspect that I may just translate his articles differently than others do. 

Thomas is like the genie in the bottle.  Rub the bottle and you get three wishes.  Want to hear excruciating details on the most trivial subjects imaginable?  Make a wish, Thomas knows.  Want to hear tales of travel to far-off lands and exotic peoples so strange and unusual that they could only be imagined on the interior page of some obscure web site or UseNet folder?  Ask Thomas and your wish will be granted.  Do you sometimes wish Thomas would just shut the hell up?  Too bad, this genie ain’t in exile because he plays well with others.  You don’t get to be an old man without a friend in the world by accident.

Round 27 of this epic battle commenced this week with a jab from Ken into the face of one of Thomas’ pet peoples, Islamic terrorists.  Admittedly, Ken only despises those millions of Muslims who are terrorists, and those Muslims who support the terrorists, even tacitly.  And Thomas means to defend the billions of Muslims, most of whom are innocent of Ken’s outrage.  If, like Thomas, you believe there are no Islamic terrorists, only poor down-trodden freedom fighters waging a futile struggle against Zionist Control of the Cosmos, his arguments make sense.

So Ken, in his charming homespun way (you can just picture the stem of hay hanging from his mouth, against his lame blouse), asks just exactly what Islam has contributed to the world lately?  Well, in the last 1700 years anyway.  And he didn’t exactly ask, he said they contributed nothing.  Generalizations I immediately recognized, knowing that Arab Muslims had invented our custom of shaking with our right hands.

So Thomas lashes back, ever eager to defend, and wields his wet noodle in typical blustering fashion.  Having seen examples of Thomas’ prodigious talent for internet research many times (no, I’m not talking about his travel articles), I was ready to read a wonderful list of Islamic contributions to the fabric that makes the current world such a wonderful place. 

Thomas failed miserably.  Yet, is it fair to blame Thomas?  I think not.  His talent at research is indeed excellent.  If there were examples, he would have found them.  Has he lost his passion; was he just not motivated to defend a once proud civilization against charges that their pride should have ended two millennia ago?  No, Thomas is great at defending his handpicked eras, he just made the mistake of ignoring the rest of the timeline in this case.  No, I trust that Thomas will soon skew facts adroitly again in a future article.

To Ken’s question of Islamic contributions in the last 1700 years, Thomas gave us these examples:

“Doesn’t Ken know that Muslims invented algebra, and introduced the numerals we now use, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9?”

Gosh, if that wasn’t more than 1700 years ago, it’s close.

“Muslims did much to advance chemistry, astronomy and navigation, inventimg the astrolabe, the sextant and other nautical instruments.”

OK, Thomas, I’m thinking you are definitely within 1700 years with these – no way that could have been more than 1650 years ago.  But can’t you come up with something recent?

“Here’s a list of 165 star names  that English has taken from Arabic.”

I guess that’s recent, but the English did it, not the Arabs or Islamics.  What’s this got to do with Ken’s question?

“Muslims introduced many innovations to the West that they got from the Chinese in their clash in Central Asia in the 8th century.” 

Heck, this conversation is regressing, Thomas.  You’ve now gone back in time again (yes, I see at 1300 years you are definitely under 1700), and are now trying to give Muslims credit for contributions the Chinese made.  Oh, wait, you only say they “mastered and improved” them.  I say, “then why mention it.”  Next, you’ll be telling me how the Chinese should be lauded for “mastering and improving” the Hollywood DVDs they pirate and bootleg.

“The world’s first paper mill was in Baghdad.” 

OK, I recall stories of Arabs using papyrus paper.  Still, I see now that you’re not going to cite anything from this millennium, but can’t you at least give us something in this last millennium?

“They introduced oranges and limes to Europe.”

Did you know I can buy those Chinese DVDs here in Dallas.  Those Chinese – what contributors they are!

“Muslims also invented or introduced chess, glass mirrors, soap, henna and sherbet.

Muslims can be credited with many architectural masterpieces…”

Well, obviously you are having problems locating any Muslim contributions to the modern world.  I think Ken and I will are both ready to agree that Muslims contributed significantly thousands of years ago.

“Here’s a list of English words that were derived from Arabic…”

See, folks, I told you Thomas was no research slouch.  Did you see that list of English words he found?  Amazing.  What site could he have pasted that from?  The man is brilliant.  And the way he used that long list to bolster the volume of his meaningless rebut – genius!  Many readers might have thought he actually refuted Ken upon seeing that long article.  How many were sharp enough to catch that Thomas implies “talking” is a great contribution to mankind!  Oh, those wonderful Muslims, he proclaims, the stupid English had to derive their words from Arabic languages, just as they did from almost every other language, and just as Muslims derived many of their words from English (ask any Muslim kid to spell “McDonalds”).  You are our master, Thomas, a veritable ManGod-in-Exile to all of us less worthy souls who suffer the outrageous fortune of Thomas-manna raining down from your Heavenly sphincter.

Ken, I name you winner of this latest round, please accept this unchewed hay stem and set of silk pajamas as your prize.

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