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Oct. 18, 2006 MAN! I just had a sudden urge to vote Democrat! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was sitting here at my desk muddling through my normal conservative meanderings and all of a sudden I had this abnormal urge to lead to the left. On top of that I suddenly had this weird thought that Nancy Pelosi was not only the “fairest one of all” but that she was actually smart! Would “President Nancy Pelosi” be so bad? I am also pondering the war effort. Perhaps the liberals are right! Maybe it would be better if we ran away and gave al-Qaida all of Iraq to play in. Maybe they would be content to kill Iraqis without our infantry getting in the way. They could kill a lot more Iraqis if we run away and then perhaps they will be satisfied in their bloodlust for innocent life. If we run away we won’t be shot at anymore. If we disband the Department of Homeland Security there will be no more complaints or lawsuits concerning racial profiling. If we return to pre-9/11 security procedures the terrorists will surely be contented and they will wait for at least several months before hijacking anything or blowing anything American to hell. We could even close the base in Guantanamo Bay and do as the democrats insist. We can let all those misunderstood Koran readers go home and take up where they left off; killing innocent women, children and planning attacks on American soil! If I vote Democrat maybe Senator Harry Reid will send me a copy of his “How To Make Money With Real Estate You Don’t Really Own” subtitled “Me and the MOB!” If I vote Democrat perhaps Hillary will finally give me the secret of making money on cattle futures with a lowly initial investment. Perhaps Nancy Pelosi will show me how to misuse taxpayer money to lobby for a party leadership position. Perhaps Barney Frank will discuss the pros and cons of running prostitutes out of your political residence. I’ll be in league with a font of knowledge, including how to use my freezer to preserve all the bribe and kickback money. MAN! This urge just will not go away! I need to know the best ways to fool Republican Presidents into bi-partisan political discussions that I could care less about as long as it brings pork to my district to get me re-elected for enough terms to qualify for that massive Congressional retirement and entitlement package. And I really have to meet that marvelous Cindy Sheehan! And I can’t wait to attend my first Democratic National Convention so I can stand underneath the gaze of William Jefferson Clinton as he regales me with many stories about William Jefferson Clinton! I want to be a liberal Sunday-show Talking Head! I need to be a Democrat! I need to be a LIBERAL!!!!! Excuse me…………………………….. (sound of flushing)……….. Sorry. It turns out I just had to go to the bathroom. Number two. A very large number two at that. ------------ About the Author: Michael John McCrae has contributed over 500 articles to Useless-Knowledge.com. Email: macswordV@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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