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Oct. 9, 2006 Immediately after the news that Gangawar, a province in central Qazudistan, had revolted successfully against the Jvashnas, the hierarchs of that theocracy, Queen Udi sent me on a diplomatic mission to the capital, Ujjama. I was to conduct negotiations with Agbar, the revolutionary leader, and his comrades. Queen Udi was hoping to enroll Gangawar in the newly-forming confederacy of Ungistan, of which she had appointed me Lord Governor, and, of course, I already bore the title of Prime Minister of Ung. I was received cordially by Agbar’s faction at their headquarters in Ujjama, and we deliberated for several days on a variety of aspects of the proposed merger. It looked as if Gangawar would join the other provinces and countries that were comprised by Ungistan, namely Al Yafilah, Ghasb, Utter Qazud, Ujnalasanda, Kara Darya and Tsumufuchi. Late one afternoon, when we had adjourned for the day, I decided to stroll around Ujjama, a pretty, smallish city of 20,000. As I wandered about at random, I heard a voice from behind me calling out, “Vocno! Vocno!” I looked around, and I was amazed to see Barti, a Qazudi girl I had met the year before, when my train failed in Kshaddi, a town 50 miles southeast. With her were Mlechi, Vinja, Dhabbi and Usha. These were five gorgeous lookalike young ladies, with chocolate complexions, flowing black hair to the riff, thin waists, and full hips and bosoms. They were wearing brilliant red satin shorts and sleeveless tops. On the bosom of each blouse a large embroidered white goose had been sewn, and in the back there was a numeral, 7, 3, 5, 2, 8. They explained that they were members of a volleyball team called the Kshaddi Geese and were scheduled to play the Ujjama Cranes that evening in the local stadium. We talked merrily for several minutes, laughing and recalling our meeting in Kshaddi. Barti asked if I would do them a favor. I was so delighted just to have met them that I agreed without hesitation. They cajoled so sweetly, taking me by the hands. How could I refuse? Then they explained that Meruert, the sixth member of the team, had missed her train from Kshaddi. Would I substitute for Meruert? If I had known what favor they would ask, I probably would not have agreed, but since I had, and had done so enthusiastically, I felt honor-bound to keep my promise. They said there’d be no problem; it was a mixed league. They had some extra uniforms. Later on we met at the stadium, and went out onto the court to take our positions. Then the Ujjama Cranes came out, and much to my embarrassment and annoyance, they were all girls too. Nonetheless, I decided to grin and bear it. The Ujjama Cranes were superb athletes. We Kshaddi Geese couldn’t do a thing against them. The score was 5-0, then 10-0, then 15-0 and finally 25-0. They shut us out completely. The next day the Roznama of Ujjama, the local newspaper had a story on the game. The story was accompanied by a half-page newsphoto depicting me right in the midst of those 11 girls, facing the camera with a stupid little grin on my face and bungling what must have been the easiest return in the world. The caption read, “WILD GOOSE SCORES A GOOSE-EGG.” The article jocularly reported that a wild goose had flown in to join the usual flock, but that they were still no match for the almighty Cranes, the implication being that my inanity enabled the Cranes to administer the shutout. I was mortified. I was afraid that Agbar and his comrades would see the picture and recognize me as the wild goose. This would have shattered diplomatic proceedings I am sure. But after 4 or 5 days, nobody showed any signs of having noticed the article, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Unexpectedly, however, one afternoon I got a call from Queen Udi at Eldor Palace in Mecnita. She ordered me to fly posthaste to Dilfatty, Namjala, provisional capital of Ungistan, whither she was as well would fly, halfway round the world. When I arrived at the seat of government in the castle at #11 Jipak Joli in Dilfatty, I found a furious Queen Udi. Not only was she jealous as could be that I had been gallivanting around with all those beautiful girls, but she felt that I had made a mockery of the sensitive diplomatic work she had entrusted to my care. She did not divorce me, but she banished me to Kshaddi in perpetuity and named me a permanent member of the Kshaddi Geese, stripping me of the honors of Prime Minister and Lord Governor. I thought I would spend the rest of my life playing volleyball with girls in Gangawar, in the deep interior of the continent of Ub, Three months later though, she summoned me again, telling me that that had been just a warning. She restored my honors and my titles. She interviewed the Geese and was satisfied that this had been a mere mistake. So they became friends of the Queen and myself. ------------ About the author Thomas Keyes: I have written two books: A SOJOURN IN ASIA (non-fiction) and A TALE OF UNG (fiction), neither published so far. I have studied languages for years and traveled extensively on five continents. Email: udikeyes@yahoo.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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