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 By Argile Stox Nov. 27, 2006 Secrets; I can’t stand them. If an individual with in a conversation says, “Do you want to know a secret?” My first reaction is, “NO!” It is a heavy burden to carry around a secret. I do appreciate that this individual holds me in such high esteem, that they would want to share some late breaking gossip with me; however, it is still a heavy burden to bear. Now if the secret involves a stock trade, a new piece of electronics coming out, that’s OK. However, family secrets are the most difficult ones to keep. I actually lost an entire night’s sleep wondering if I should keep this secret. Finally, I told the individual which conveyed the secret to me in the first place – to never tell me a secret, again. If I should see a married friend on the street entering a restaurant with a woman – who was not his wife; I would not think anything of it. Maybe, he is having a business meeting. However, if I continually see my friend parading around town – with this woman who was not his wife, I would immediately disassociate myself from this friend. I would not tell another soul about my suspicions. I would just live life, as usual. However, if my friend were to call me up or we should meet up on the street – I would tell him how disgusted I felt that he is cheating on his wife – and hang up the phone or walk away. Period-End Of Story. Gossip is a different story altogether. Gossip may have some truth to it, however, that’s all it is – gossip! Secrets are different. If they involve a family member, coworker, or close friend –a secret can drive a person nuts - if you happen to see these individuals every day. In a working environment a secret could be a test. “Can I give this person false information and call it a “secret?” If the individual passes the test then the employer knows that the employee is trustworthy. Family secrets are the worst. I try and stay so far away from family secrets, that I’d rather take a slow boat to China than carry around a family secret. Some family secrets are OK. Example: Mary is having a baby, but her husband doesn’t know yet. John purchased an engagement ring for Sarah. Harry just had a vasectomy and Jane doesn’t know yet. Those secrets are OK. I can keep those. However, I cannot hold a secret that could be potentially devastating to another person(s) in the family, in a friendship, or in a working environment. I am not the guy to tell these things too. There are some people who absolutely thrive on secrets. In the Jewish tradition individuals who thrive on these secrets are called: “Yenta –Kibitzers”. These are individuals you learn to stay away from. However, they do come in handy when you want to get a message across to someone, without confronting them. In any family, friendship, working circles there are yenta-kibitzers. In some cases, a door is deliberately left open so that the yenta-kibitzer can hear a supposedly private conversation. These yenta-kibitzers are sometimes used to “soften the blow” of bad news. They’ll also are used to take “the pulse” of community thinking. In villages where my ancestors came from, these yenta-kibitzers” were instrumental in spreading the word if a member of the community was ill, the barn was about to fall down, or a neighbor’s crops failed. When the villagers heard such news, they would rush right over to the neighbor to see if there was anything they could do. However, we live in a time that people are not involved in complex relationships. I was brought up by my grandparents who lived in villages located in Lithuania , Poland , Germany , and Russia . My grandmother and grandfather would recount stories of communities coming together to assist a neighbor. When I would hear about a friend’s friend who had just lost a job, I would immediately start making phone calls to try and set up interviews. I would tell my friend that this information did not come from me. I like to be anonymous. To this day, if I should hear about an individual who could use my help –I am there in a New York minute. I asked nothing in return. Why, you ask? The person is my friend. Even if I did not know the individual directly –only through my friend, I would still help. I would feel very guilty if I had the means to assist an individual, and did not. However, secrets are like four letter words. I don’t use them, and I do not expect that anyone in my family would keep a secret from me. The reason why I am so vehemently against keeping secrets is that a secret was withheld from me for 27 years. When the secret was finally revealed, all the trust I had in my family was flushed down the toilet. To this day, I am still angry and hurt. As an adult I can understand why the secret was withheld from me for such a long time. However, when I reached adulthood this secret should have been conveyed to me, immediately! A tremendous amount of time has passed since the secret saw the light of day. Many events have transpired since then. However, the wound in my mind still hurts. When the secret was delivered to me, it took three years of my life to rectify it. However, the damage that it has done, can never be rectified. The secret answered a lot of questions that were floating around my mind. The secret has been out for 25 years now. However, that damage that was done to me and to another person was so great, that my blood pressure still rises each time I think about it. I try not to think about it; however, it still creeps up in my mind, when I least expect it. A few days ago, a friend asked me if I could hold a secret. Against my better judgment, I said, yes. The secret was devastating. My mood went from happy to complete puzzlement. Reluctantly, I had to pass the secret on to a very trusted friend –and the matter will be settled within a few months. Secrets are a bad thing. I can understand that some information cannot be conveyed to a young person. However, when that young person grows up –that secret should be told. On the other side of the coin, in the adult world –secrets are still a bad thing. ------------ Email Argile Stox: argilestox@gmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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