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May 26, 2005 As long as he’s in a coma anyway, and unlikely to return to consciousness, wouldn’t it be a fine gesture to put Ariel Sharon on ice and launch him in a spaceship bound for Alpha Centauri? If we could send him at one-tenth the speed of light, he’d reach old Alpha in just forty years. At that time, when the chronometer aboard the spaceship started the thaw, Ari, if he regained consciousness by then, could start figuring out his next move. His options, if any, would not be many, but should anyone really care? After all, it would be at least forty-four years before we knew about it here on Earth. I thought of offering George W. Bush or John Kerry instead, but why send the Indians when you can send the chief? Why send the master’s right-hand man or the master’s left-hand man when you can send the master? At least on Alpha Centauri’s planets, Ari will be able to resurrect all the Zion that his heart desires. No Palestinians or Persians will impede his occupation. Just make sure that there are tons and tons of US dollars on the spaceship. That’s what makes Ari run. That’s what makes him tick. It’s the understatement of the century to say that the US gives Israel $2 or $3 billion dollars a year, as if that were some enormous sum. What about the $300 billion for the Iraq War? Isn’t that aid to Israel? What about the cost of rebuilding the Twin Towers? Isn’t that an expense sustained because of Israel? And what about all the deforestation that goes on year after year to produce newsprint to report on Israel? Isn’t that akin to aid? Who is this Ehud Olmert anyway? Why doesn’t he have a Hebrew name? Every self-respecting Israeli changes his name. It’s a sine qua non! It’s de rigueur! Even Americans who are eligible to be Israelis change their names. Look at Tony Curtis, Artie Shaw and Woody Allen! Oops! I mean Bernard Schwartz, Arthur Arshawsky and Allen Konigsberg. And what’s with this name ‘Ariel’ anyway? ‘Lion of God’! Pure slapstick! Why then is Will Durant’s wife named Ariel. Ariel Sharon? It sounds like two girls, just as if his name were Fannie Mae! But I’ve never seen a girl, even a pregnant one, that was so generously endowed with stomach. When Ariel Sharon said, “We, the Jewish people, control America, and the Americans know it,” did George W. Bush jump up to protest? What about Kerry? No, no, they were looking the other way, and missed that remark. I wonder why. What if Fidel Castro had said, “We, the Cuban people, control America”? Would they have been so selectively deaf? I rather doubt it. So I say launch Sharon’s carcass. Sure, it’s a long shot that he’ll find a cozy haven out in space. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. ------------ About the author Thomas Keyes: I have written two books: A SOJOURN IN ASIA (non-fiction) and A TALE OF UNG (fiction), neither published so far. I have studied languages for years and traveled extensively on five continents. Email: udikeyes@yahoo.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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