I Would Love It IF...(Tongue In Cheek, Folks!)

Articles

I Would Love It IF...(Tongue In Cheek, Folks!)

By Patrick Hurley
May 19, 2006

...we could make Mexico our 51st state and put a political end to all this nonsense.

...people who talk loudly on their cell phones in restaurants would get food poisoning.

...the atheists on Judgment Day got a second chance as they wet their pants realizing they weren't so damn smart after all. Just damned..

...we never landed on the moon and it was all a televised hoax.

...Bush is not really the President and he is a televised hoax.

...most people who write in here would take the time to gather their thoughts, work on their sentence structure, have something interesting to convey beyond their own angst and submit it when it is ready for print.

...people would stop blowing their nose and looking into their handkerchief.

...A&W brought back Papa Burgers and seasoned french fries.

...the Chicago Cubs could win the World Series.

...the Chicago Cubs could get INTO the World Series.

...they started arresting hockey players for manslaughter instead of putting them into a penalty box.

..."American Idol" would fire Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson and replace them with Madonna and Chris Rock.

...the CIA would be abolished and replaced by something that works.

...the United Nations would be abolished and not be replaced.

...People who make movies about 9/11 HAD died on 9/11.

...Pat Robertson would go on a vacation to the west coast and be the first victim of his tsunami.

...writers in here would use their real names and take the heat for their articles instead of being cowardly pansies who literally hit and run with false innuendo and speculation.

...Michael Jackson was sexually assaulted.

...College football was year round.

...The husband of the only woman I ever loved has an affair on her, gets caught, loses her affection, gets depressed, gets drunk, falls off a bridge into a lake and aligators eat him.

...Rush Limbaugh vacationed with Pat Robertson.

...I was going to my tenth high school reunion and not my fortieth.

...one could get into shape by walking by a health club and not having to go into it.

...The Editor of UK successfully figures out how to make my article look good in this format!

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About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California.

Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net

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