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 By Patrick Hurley May. 1, 2006 After the recent Supreme Court ruling, I have decided to begin dating again IMMEDIATELY! I have found the girl of my dreams. The one who can make all my dreams come true in every way, shape and form. You may have heard of her... Anna Nicole Smith. Oh BABY! Come home to Patrick! There is an age difference, yes. But, she is used to that concept. She was only 26 when she married the feisty 89 year-old goat, J. Howard Marshall II. She was also a topless dancer at the time. He was no dummy. He was a man who knew the score: Money attracts certain professional women! Following his lead, I have almost a thousand dollars in MY bank account. I can play that game, too. This gal likes nice things. I can take her on a shopping spree to Target. It is a rare man who knows how to delight a woman's soul. She has lost weight. Good. I would have accepted her at her Kirstie Alley poundage but since she is back in shape, I can respect that. I have never had a lap dance and now I can feel safe in asking her for one. I have a fragile pelvis. The "old" Nicole may have crushed me. But, we are on course now. I love her personality. She is WILD! I taped her television shows hoping for some glimpses of nudity, but since she never displayed any, I respect her even more now. Besides, I wouldn't want any other guys seeing MY babe without her clothes on. The one you love belongs to you and you ONLY! That is one of the two reasons why I would never date a Playmate of the Month. (The other reason is that they would never date me, either) The deceased Mr. Marshall's son, E. Pierce Marshall, is the one who is trying to stop my sweet Anna from getting half of the estate. He sounds like a wimp to me. Anyone who has one letter for a first name is ass kickable. Maybe he will challenge me to a croquet match...winner take all. I was known as, "mallet man" in college. He is toast. Anna already has 6.6 million in gifts, jewelry and cash from her deceased husband's will but she is going for the full Monty here. There is another 474 MILLION out there for us, er...her. I will let her keep most of her money, I am no gold digger. If she WANTS to share some of that booty with me, I am not going to be ungrateful, however. I can see us traveling together, enjoying Europe and the Caribbean, sightseeing, shopping, buying a few small countries... My new girlfriend needs a man who is sensitive, tender, caring, funny and willing to let her take her clothes off whenever she wants to do so. She also needs someone who will accept her unconditionally, even though she will be more wealthy than anyone I currently know. You need to root for me to win her over. Wouldn't YOU enjoy my articles more if I was writing about Anna Nicole and I and all the cool and EXPLICIT things she did? Okay, I am mainly talking to the GUYS here...Stelly, Brooksie, McCrae, Keyes, Reyes, Dayton, Robinski, Smith, Hughes, Grimes, Lepiarz, Graham, et. al. I would include Dayo Gould in this list but I am not sure what sex he is since he makes up his name. In the meantime, I need to need to establish a new website...www.seduceannaliketotally.com I would appreciate your prayers, except from my atheist friends in here, and as I make progress, you will be the FIRST to know! Maybe our Editor can run a picture of me and my new bride someday smiling and cozy on a romantic Pacific isle.... She will be the one in the sexy bikini. I will be the one smirking and writing thank you notes to my favorite justices at the Supreme Court... ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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