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Why I Haven't Written

By Kaycee Nilson
Mar. 31, 2006

I, Kaycee Nilson, have not written in a few days because I am depressed once again. The reason for the depression this time? I don’t know. Haven’t you just felt like you know something is wrong but you can’t put your finger on what’s wrong? That’s how I feel.

I feel like the wind has gone out of my sails. Spring is trying to poke it’s head into the Windy City and all I can think about is Summer Vacation and where we are going to spend it this year. I’d like to go see my Mom, Dad and the rest of my family, but if we don’t have the money, then it’s back to Indiana Beach or maybe we can swing the Wisconsin Dells this summer.

The Wisconsin Dells is a popular get-away for many in the northern Illinois and Wisconsin residents. It is a homespun amusement park and everyone I have talked to enjoys the park immensely. I love to see places I have never been to before; I also love to drive to those destinations.

When I took the invitation to write for UK, I didn’t realize what a journey personally and professionally I would be on. Since I began writing, about 200 columns ago, I thought this would be a breeze, but with my recent medical problems and the legalities that go with mal- practice lawsuits I had no idea how mentally draining the world could be.

I have tried to always been a happy-go-lucky kind of gal, but this past year I have been on a strange and wild journey. I have emailed some people that I think are the most brilliant minds on this earth and at the same time, have been trying to get my book published. I heeded the warnings about PublishAmerica and so when they approached me, I immediately threw their letter in the trash. Seems that they are not the reputable publisher that I want my book to be associated with.

My novel is my baby. Blood, sweat and tears went into that novel and I am not about to go with a second or third rate publisher. That novel deserves to be published and one day it will. It took John Grisham 9 long years to publish his first book, “A Time To Kill,” and so I am willing to go the distance and do what it takes to get my words into print and in bookstores.

I know this column is rambling on and on, but right now, my thoughts are a huge jumble. Someone I thought I could turn into a pen-pal turned on me and for some reason I took it personally. But there are others that I correspond with and so that one person that was hateful in a email recently shouldn’t bother me, but it did. I had enjoyed a correspondence with this person but the email smacked of hate and spite. Then I began to question myself and the caliber of person I am.

I normally take hate words with a grain of salt, but this one, I didn’t and that’s my fault. Maybe it wasn’t the writer’s intention to make me feel bad, but it did. And now I feel more alone than I did the second time my daughter left me and hasn’t called or emailed me since she left. I know I have Dan and the boys to cheer me, but to a female, only another female can really understand the pain.

Ciest La Vie…….

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About the author: Kaycee Nilson has completed her first novel, "Night Falls on Chicago." The first two chapters can be viewed at http://www.KayceeNilson.com.

Besides writing columns for Useless-Knowledge, Kaycee is currently working on two more novels, "From the Mind of a Vampire", and "I'll Love You Til You Die."

If you have enjoyed what you read, or would like to leave Kaycee a message, please visit her message board at http://www.KayceeNilson.com/Board

Email: Kaycee@kayceenilson.com


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