Don't Say Good-Bye

Articles

Don't Say Good-Bye

By Kaycee Nilson
Mar. 25, 2006

I knew it was too good to last. My butterfly leaves today, Saturday, March 25, 2006, to go back to Texas. Things just wouldn’t work out with her here and her school there.

But her boyfriend came here and it’s not a good sign. She wanted me to take her to City Hall so they could get married. I wasn’t about to do that. She’s only sixteen and she could wait two years. I tried to talk her into staying with me for the two years, but she didn’t like that idea, so back to Texas she goes.

My heart is in pain, wracked with pain, just as the rest of my body is. Eventually, I know that the pain will lessen, but I don’t want to spend more time mourning someone I thought had come to Chicago to spend time with her mother and her brothers and her step-father.

Seems like she had ulterior motives before she even stepped off the plane to be here. When this boyfriend showed up, it was more obvious that she wasn’t here to see family but came here for me to sign papers to get married. Was I going to do that? No and I mean NO!

After being here for two weeks, I am going to have two little boys that are not going to understand why she left. Especially the littlest one. He’s only three and he’s not going to understand why his big sister left and left animosity in the house behind her.

I don’t know what is worse, the pain in my back and legs, or the pain in my heart. Lord knows I have tried to show her how much I love her, but I don’t think she understands the love of a mother. I don’t think she understands that she has to get an education first. I don’t think she understands the depth of love that is here for her.

For we all love her, but she tries so hard to push that love away. I wish I could shake her until she gets it in that thick head that she does NOT need to get married, that she needs to get an education and she needs to decide if she is going into the Navy to pay for college.

I know she will read this and not understand my point of view. I know that she is going to get mad when she reads this column, and I am not sorry for any word I have written this morning.

All I can do is wish her luck in her journeys, but I think that there is a time when you have to let go and let your children make their own mistakes. I just wish it didn’t hurt as bad, I wish that there was a pill or a shot that would make the upcoming days better, but there isn’t. And with that pain, I’m going to have to live with.

I think I’d rather deal with a botched back operation than to have to say good-bye to her once again.

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About the author: Kaycee Nilson has completed her first novel, "Night Falls on Chicago." The first two chapters can be viewed at http://www.KayceeNilson.com.

Besides writing columns for Useless-Knowledge, Kaycee is currently working on two more novels, "From the Mind of a Vampire", and "I'll Love You Til You Die."

If you have enjoyed what you read, or would like to leave Kaycee a message, please visit her message board at http://www.KayceeNilson.com/Board

Email: Kaycee@kayceenilson.com

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