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Mar. 5, 2006 This is an open letter to the good folks at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, which is responsible for handing out the Academy Awards (or the Oscars, as they’re more popularly known). Let me be a presenter at the Oscars next year. I’m not a movie star. I don’t live on the West Coast. And I’m not a member of the Academy. But I’ll do what few other movie stars will do. I’ll hand out an Oscar for next to nothing. I don’t want a gift bag. I’m not picky about which category I present for. And I won’t ask anyone for an autograph. In other words, I’ll do a bang-up job. The Academy Awards are about honoring the craft of filmmaking. They celebrate the internationally-famous talent in front of the camera and the unsung warriors behind it. To be asked to hand out one of those awards should be an honor to be taken seriously, with its compensation being a sincere thank you and a pat on the back from the Academy. It’s true that many presenters eagerly give their gift bags—this year’s booty is valued at around $100,000—to deserving charities, and that’s great, but why give these stars anything at all to do it? Many of them will make more money in three months than I will in a lifetime. They can go make their own gift bags. If the producers of the Oscar telecast were to email me today, and ask me to be a presenter at next year’s show, I’d ask them when I needed to be there and make my travel arrangements accordingly. And as long as I’m out in that part of the country, I’d take some time before I had to be at rehearsal to try out for Jeopardy! again. The only thing I’d ask the Academy for, in exchange for handing out an Oscar, would be assigning someone to drive me around Los Angeles. Getting to Los Angeles would be no problem; it’s getting around Los Angeles that scares me. So, the offer’s on the table, and I think it’s a good one. It’s not too early to think about the 2007 telecast. And I can assure you, I look dynamite in a tux. ------------ About the author: Claxton Graham has written a number of articles for Useless Knowledge. He works as a business systems analyst. Email: scifiwriter8502@email.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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