Paris Hilton Decides To Become A Truck Stop Waitress

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Paris Hilton Decides To Become A Truck Stop Waitress

By Patrick Hurley
June 27, 2006

In a staggering turn of career events, Paris Hilton, the billionaire heiress has decided to abandon her job of all-night partying and become a waitress in a Flying J Truck Stop in Bakersfield, California.

"I have been selfish all my life," admitted a somber Hilton, "I have come to the reality that I need to give back to those less fortunate than me. So, I am going to serve truck drivers and families who are on vacation from now on."

Paris had tried to be a do-gooder before when she participated in the Sean P. Diddy Combs, "Citizen Change" campaign to motivate young people to vote in the 2004 Presidential election. Unfortunately, she was criticized when it was revealed that she had neither voted nor even registered to do so. "Big DEAL! It doesn't matter that I never voted, it matters that other people who have no life do. Geesh!" She said at the time.

Hilton's family had no comment on her new venture into the world of grits and corned beef hash. "I have always been my own person," snapped Paris at the press conference, "When I want to make a video with a guy, I do it. When I want to break up another couple by having sex with her cute boyfriend, I do it. I make things happen. I am not a shallow person. My philosophy is deeply based in a philosophy that is part hedonism and part narcissism. A lot of people do not understand where I am coming from. That is why I have spent so many nights at the Playboy Mansion. Men like Hef, Oscar De la Hoya and James Caan are my mentors. It is a lot of pressure to be worth so much money. If you don't believe me, ask Anna Nicole. We are far more courageous than we appear to be. That is why I stay up late all the time. I can't sleep with all the things on my mind...like trying to figure out how to SPEND it!"

Flying J would not give specific details on Paris's new salary, but industry estimates put it in the $8-10 an hour range not including tips that are shared with the bus boys and girls. In addition to Ms. Hilton's serving job, she will also be responsible for making certain the buffet line is clean and will be asked to pour fresh portions of coffee and iced tea. "It will be a challenge to take on this new responsibility called, 'work,'" reflected Paris. "But, I have to face the fact that I am now twenty-five years old and as a high school graduate, I need to do something with my degree. It was either this or the Peace Corps. I didn't want to go overseas because they have malaria and icky things like that. As a waitresss, I may occasionally get customers with bad breath or at the very worst, I could get a cold or something. That is a small price to pay for the sacrifices that truckers make as they drive all night long without a shower and with CB ear. If I can bring a smile to their day, I believe I will have made a contribution to the world."

Hilton's has been in movies, just like her hero James Dean. The legendary film star made, "East of Eden," "Giant" and, "Rebel without a Cause." Paris brags that she made three movies, too, just like her idol, "Zoolander," "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton," and, "The Cat in the Hat." She proudly states, "Okay, so MY movies were not on the same level as James Dean's, but I have one thing going for me that he does not have; I am still ALIVE!"

Paris Hilton is expected to don her apron and begin loading up the sausage and bacon bins on Tuesday, July 4th. "I am beginning my new life to change America on that day for a reason," she patriotically crows, "If someone who is worth a billion dollars can make a difference, I believe it sends a message to all those millionaires out there that they can, too!"

Note: this article is a satire.

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About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California.

Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net

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