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June 23, 2006 Every four years something obnoxious comes around that you can't drag yourself away from. Presidential election, the winter Olympics, and the FIFA world cup just to name a few. Every four years a game most Americans mock and ignore forces itself onto center stage and the talk is soccer, soccer, soccer. It seems the only time a European isn't burning the American Flag and is actually waving one of theirs is when their team is playing. But why must we Americans suffer? Why must I have to hear about athletes(I use the term lightly) that I have never heard about before and hear commentators talk about a game that I, and the vast majority of Americans, don't like. If I were the paranoid type I would say that it is some kind of anti American conspiracy. The truth is much more mundane. The rest of the world just likes a really boring game. I have watched so little soccer that if you add up all the minutes it comes to less than one half of one game. Even when the good ol' US of A is playing I can't seem to turn the channel from, oh I don't know, professional bowling and watch a soccer match. Perhaps it's cultural prejudice, or maybe I just like sports with a little excitement, but I find soccer to be intolerable. Now, this isn't to say that I think that the other countries aren't entitled to their favorite sport. Canada is entitled to it's slightly insane hockey mania, Pakistan can love cricket, and Brazil can love soccer. And as far as I am concerned that's their business. Oh and before I get flooded with hate mail from rabid soccer fans, I was kidding when I said they weren't real athletes. I imagine they work up quite a sweat running around kicking a ball, why they might even break a nail.(calm down, calm down. That's another joke) I'm sure there are scores of Europeans that root for Real Madrid, and Manchester United that can't figure out why their whacky cousins across the Atlantic would rather watch grass grow or paint dry than watch their game. I could ask the same question about their indifference the American football. I mean, what's not to love? (Rhetorical question by the way. Because if I want an answer virtually every woman in America will give me one.) So I had an idea. Maybe it's a moment of true genius, or the West Virginia heat and humidity are beginning to effect my cognitive functions.Probably the latter. But I think that there should be a world cup for our football. Why not? We play soccer and we're no good at it. Why can't the rest of the world learn our game and play us? We could send them rule books, equipment and give them until oh say 2012 to learn to play. Then they can come over here and we can whip them silly. It would be a tournament that I would watch, at least. ------------ About the author: Craig Chamberlain has written more than 100 articles for Useless-Knowledge.com. Email: craig_chamberlain@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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