An Eternity With The Likes Of Jerry Falwell Would Be Hell

Articles

An Eternity With The Likes Of Jerry Falwell Would Be Hell

By Robert Paul Reyes
June 19, 2006

Some of us may think that eternity is being forced to listen to a Britney Spears CD, but eternity is a little bit longer than that.

Evangelical hucksters like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson are always condemning sinners like me to hell, they claim that heaven is reserved for righteous folks like them.

I can't imagine an eternity with "saints" like Falwell, Dobson and Robertson. Falwell would spend his days hawking heavenly mansions: Falwell estates features a garden with a tree of life and a marvelous view of sinners down below burning in hell.

Pat Robertson would idle away the hours showing off: Look at me, I can leg-press 2,000 angels. Buy my angelic protein drink and you will be able to do the same.

Fred Phelps would pass the time preaching his message of homophobia: God hates homosexuals, and it appears that gays have invaded paradise. There's Robertson frolicking with male angels all eternity long, I think he has too much sugar in his tank.

Benny Hinn would be busy with his healing ministry: Dear brother and sisters, are you down in the dumps because every day is just like the other? Are you down in the dumps because there is no blessed obliteration at the end of the tunnel? Give me your portion of manna and I promise you will one day die.

James Dobson would dedicate himself to preaching family values: "How the Hades did you make it to heaven, how dare you flaunt your sin by living with four women?" "Brother Dobson, I guess it paid being a sinner on earth, I was married four times, and now I get to live with four gorgeous chicks for all of eternity."

Oral Roberts would still be seeing visions in heaven: "I see a vision of a blimp size head floating in the clouds." "Shill out brother Roberts, that's only Jerry Falwell's big head, you know he has an ego the size of Texas."

Lord what a nightmare, I'm glad I won't be spending eternity with those blessed saints.

------------

About the author: Robert Paul Reyes has written over 200 articles for Useless-Knowledge.com.

Email: rreyes4966@aol.com

Comment on this article here!

------------

All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED!