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 By Patrick Hurley June 16, 2006 I am interrupting my "First Date" series to protest the newest survey of the American Film Institute's most Inspirational movies. Excuse me while I search high and wide for a barf bag. These morons at the Institute have not only stumbled badly over what the word, "inspiration" means, they have obliterated it with their top 100 list. It is an abomination of celluloid nobility. Let's begin with THEIR choice for most inspirational film of all-time shall we? "It's a Wonderful Life!" Get real. The ONLY reason that insipid excuse for Christmas spirit was even on the air in the past twenty years was because it was FREE to all the local stations who were looking to fill air time. Otherwise, we would have been watching reruns of Match Game or Soul Train. So, every yule time, here comes Jimmy Stewart with his savaged ear violating our living rooms, not just once during December, but 10-12 times! This was not a movie of quality; this was a film of quantity. Talk about gorging all of us AFTER we had eaten at the buffet of noel wonder..."Miracle of 34th Street," "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," "The Christmas Story," and, "A Christmas Carol" were better than this paean to whining midwesterners with stupid bosses everywhere. Geesh! The list from 2-10 does not get much better... I thought "inspirational" was like a Marine corps band on the Fourth of July. John Phillip Souza. George M. Cohan. The Boston Pops. Wrap a movie around any of these entities and move us all to feel better. Express the human spirit. Turn it loose. Make it overcome overwhelming odds. But, do it in such a cinematic way that we are not put to sleep in the process leading up to the dynamic conclusion. Hello? Is there anyone in the voting populace of the AFI that is still BREATHING? Coming in second place was, "To Kill a Mockingbird." Zzzzzzzz. The book was great, the movie had as much energy as Boo Radley's brain waves. Gregory Peck, a popular actor in Hollywood, but any talent beyond that stops there; was a southern lawyer who had the ability to open his mouth and spit out barbituates for the less than riveted viewer. Who needs milk and cookies when you have GREGORY! Next we have, ahem, "Schindler's List." Boy, when I want to soar like an eagle in my heart, I rush to Blockbuster to rent that upbeat memorial to the holocaust, don't you? Hi, I'm Steven Spielberg and because I created this movie it MUST be good! Uh, get over yourself, Stevie. I put the World Cup above this flick. And, all of you know how I feel about soccer matches between Togo and South Korea. Feeling inspired yet? I didn't think so. Fourth on the list makes sense. Finally. It is the story of the underdog boxer from Philly, "Rocky." Is the AFI on the right track now? Nope. To complete the top five they put a stick in their bicycle spokes once again by naming, "Mr. Smith goes to Washington." What is with the Jimmy Stewart fetish? If this guy is the poster child for infusing the American soul to greater heights, I am moving to Paraguay! He is as motivational as Pat Robertson with a stutter. I will be briefer with the movies from 6-10 because it makes me nauseous to even LIST them... E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial was sixth. A mediocre movie showcasing a freak. I WAS inspired when he died. He was a creepy little worm. After that, we have, "The Grapes of Wrath," which was a joke since NOTHING has changed in the fields then or now. I guess the inspiration just didn't cling to that vine, huh? "Breaking Away" was next. A good movie, but not on the level of "Hoosiers" or, "Mr. Holland's Opus," which left audiences stunned in their buttered popcorn-stained seats. Finally, one of those great Christmas movies I mentioned, "Miracle on 34th Street," and, rounding out the Top Ten, "Saving Private Ryan." The scary thing is that if Jimmy Stewart HAD been alive, he would have the lead in that movie, too.The only redeeming segment of that film was the D-Day landing. After that, Spielberg finds a way to deaden the script and repress his actors. Whew! That was ALMOST inspirational after the beach scene... Write to me and tell me what YOU think was the most inspirational movie you have ever seen. I am curious. For all you sickos out there, I don't believe "Clockwork Orange" or, "Natural Born Killers" should be on your list. But, I did love, "The Sound of Music," "High Noon" and, "Beauty and the Beast." I also cried tears of joy at the end of, "An Officer and a Gentleman," "The Apartment" and, "Apollo 13." Plus, "All the President's Men" sent chills through me as the typewriter ended the Nixonian White House. It made me proud to be an American. Okay, I feel better now. When I get to heaven, I better watch my back because if Jimmy Stewart spots me he is going to kick my... I guess that will be inspiring to him. ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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