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 By Patrick Hurley July 11, 2006 Aruba needs to change its marketing plan because the boycott is kicking in and they have to do SOMETHING! So, I have some suggestions for them. If they want to become rich and prosperous again, they need to take my advice and implement these new ideas immediately and often. I do not ask for any financial remuneration because I am doing this out of a labor of love for an island that has lost its way. Someone needs to pat them on the head and save them. We need to start and end with the truth of their beloved land. Here we go... ARUBA: LET THE FUN BEGIN! Are you blonde, young, impressionable and interested in being drunk for a week! Then we are the island paradise for you! From the moment you step off the plane we are here to serve all of your hedonistic needs from drug dealers who lurk in the dark alleys to horny and irresponsible teenage guys who lack a conscience. You can take your pick young lady! Do you prefer an oversexed 17 year-old boy or maybe a night out with him and his pimp gang? Want to go sightseeing at 1:00 a.m? No problemo. We have a lighthouse, sex slave trading on the beach, shark infested coves and exciting motor boat rides to Venezuela on a moment's notice. Use our famous hotspot, Carlos and Charlies, to get yourself into a mood for an all night experience that will change your life FOREVER! We respect your need to get away from your parents and chaperones and have fun the way YOU want to feel it. There are no laws on this island so whatever you do or whatever is done to you is NO BIG DEAL! We only answer to two entities, Holland and satan. Our legal and law enforcement authorities are carefully trained to never interfere with any potential crimes or their aftermath. So, when you come to our country there will never be anyone saying, "Don't do this" or, "Don't do that." If you want rules stay home. If you want repressive parenting or civilized mores we are not the island for you. Just bring your bikini, a toothbrush, some sunscreen and extra condoms (in case our boys use all theirs up for the night!) and get ready to lie on the bar for your first, "jelly shot!" We will take it from there. All you have to do is trust our community a little bit and we will guarantee that it will be a night your family and friends will remember FOREVER! We are Aruba. Come party with us. Lay on our beaches and repeat our code, "What happens in Aruba STAYS in Aruba no matter what the law says!" You may disappear, but we will never go away. We always be here for the next naive babe who is looking for that final getaway. We are Aruba. You can bet your life on it. ------------ About the author:  Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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