Zidane The Zipperhead

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Zidane The Zipperhead

By Patrick Hurley
July 10, 2006

For once a World Cup match was worth watching.

For the wrong reason.

After two overtimes, Italy finally outkicked France in the penalty phase 5-4 and all of us who hate this sport that rivals snails screwing were put out of our misery for another four years.

Except....

When the star player of the French national team, a mad monk named Zinedine Zidane, who had been trash-talking with one of the Italian hotheads, suddenly turned around, faced his opponent and HEAD BUTTED him in the chest knocking him down and shocking the entire world. Unfortunately, the head referee missed the infraction. Fortunately, the assistant linesman did not. It was also shown several times on the stadium jumbo tron and beamed on satellites all around the glove for everyone who was breathing to view the stupidest act in World Cup soccer history.

The red card came out and Zindane, the most famous soccer player in the Cup games, who led his team to the championship in 1998, was gone. He never returned even to collect his second place medal. He was retiring after this match. What a way to go out, huh?

I would hate to be his limo driver once he gets back to Paris. The entire country is going to be looking for him. Can you say, "Vive la PISSED?"

If I were him, I would avoid outdoor cafes for awhile. He cost his team the World Cup. I don't think any amount of red wine is going to slow down the French fanatics who will be looking for his head. Joan of Arc is more popular right now.

Ironic, isn't it? Ever since World War II ended we have had this notion of France being wimpy and spineless. Finally, one of their countrymen stands up and whacks a guy with his forehead and because of his aggressiveness, the French lose the most important sporting event in their universe. All Zidane had to do was ACT like a typical Frenchman and the World Cup would be on its way back to the Bastille City. But, he had to do his imitation of Woody Hayes and now he will be the most recognized villain on the Left Bank.

Congratulations to Italy and especially to that guy who baited Zipperhead. It was a brilliant stroke of strategy to not only make the star of the other team lose his cool, but to get him out of the game. The ploy worked.

Somewhere Vito Corleone is smiling and saying, "You made him an offer he couldn't refuse..."

Yeah, he did.

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About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California.

Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net

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