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Feb. 20, 2006 Dear Bryant Gumbel, I'm Black. And I hate the cold. I'm not good enough to speak for the 13% of the U.S.'s population that labeled itself Black or African American in the March 2002 supplemental census. I'm just speaking for me. 35 Winter Olympics sports, over 400 events. Let's see which ones I would participate in, if I had the time, money and motivation to do so...uh, okay, let's list a few I wouldn't do. I'm not into skiing. When's the last time you froze your arse sliding down the side of a mountain on wide, waxed wooden planks, Bryant? If I'm on skis and shooting at something, then I better be an extra in "Red Dawn II" than a competitor in the biathalon, in my opinion. They'll get my guns when they pry them from my cold, dead fingers...oops, that's the American in me coming out. I'm American, not Jamaican, and I don't think John Candy is in any condition to do a "Cool Runnings" remake, so count me out for the bobsleigh. But someone also discounted Vonetta Flowers, Lascalles Brown, Morgan Alexander, Randy Jones and Bill Schuffenhauer. Maybe, Bryant, you could be the executive producer of "Cool Runnings II: How To Avoid 'Foot-In-Mouth' Disorder"? Maybe get the actors who will portray your Black athletes to do so in blackface? As much as I like Furbys, I'm no Randy Ferbey, and curling looks like a winter version of shuffleboard to me. Minus the cruise ship and octogenarian participants. Figure skating? It may be easy to forget Dominique Dawes, but we can't forget Aaron Parchem and Robin Szolkowy, who are in Torino. Sorry, those are Black Olympic figure skaters. If it were me, I would be like D.B. Sweeney, in "The Cutting Edge," with Moira Kelly always smirking, "Toe pick!" Speaking of hockey, Is Jarome Iginla in the Olympics? Oh, yeah, he is, but he's playing for Team Canada. Sorry, Bryant, my bad. Hopefully, there are less than 167 Black Olympians competing in Torino. That's the number of Blacks who were in the last Republican Convention, comprising about 7% of the convention participants. That percentage is a statistically representative half of the U.S. Black population. So, 6 million Blacks need to do something in order to be like the ones who chose to do something, like the ones who attended the last Republican Convention, in 2004. Not even a million men participated in that ineptly-named march. Sorry, Louis. So, it's great, Bryant, that you ride once again like Lady Godiva through the naked streets of the media, untouched in your Blackness and able to make statements that generally go unchallenged and misrepresent so much, for so many. I wonder what Jason Blair is up to, these days? If he's like me, then he's somewhere in Canada. After all, that's the last place you would expect to find Blacks, right? Like Torino? Sincerely, Chuck Tyler A Black Man ------------ About the author: After barely surviving the 2004 presidential election massacre, Chuck Tyler excaped north to Canada, where he is a copywriter/editor for OurSportsCentral.com. He can still be reached at tyler_1420@yahoo.com, and is accepting donations for knitted items such as mittens and sweaters. Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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