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 By Argile Stox Feb. 12, 2006 So, let’s discuss a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy. Wait! Don’t skip this article – It is very important that All Men over Fifty absorb the material. I know, your doctor has been bugging you, your wife has been nagging you, and there are commercials on TV urging you to make an appointment for the test. Well, last Friday I finally took the test at the VA Hospital in Sturgis, South Dakota. Yeah, I know that most men are really concerned about what is put up their rectum (with the exception of a rectal thermometer). However, it is not really that bad of an experience. The test took about a half an hour – and I came out of it, okay. The test looks for precancerous polyps and other anomalies that may be lurking in the lower bowel. The test begins like this – The evening before the test, you drink a solution that will completely clean out your system. You can not eat anything after 5pm that evening. As the solution works its way through your system, be sure that you are in close proximity to the bathroom, for you will be spending a lot of time there. If you plan to watch a favorite TV program, take a battery operated portable television into the bathroom. I advise this, only because the urge to run to the bathroom does not coincide with commercial breaks. The only thing you can consume that evening is water. Frozen water popsicles in different flavors will quell the urge to raid the refrigerator. The next morning, your butt will feel like it is on fire, which is normal. Have a cup of black coffee or two to ease your nerves. Once you have arrived in the doctor‘s office, you will be instructed to disrobe and place your body into a hospital gown – with your butt exposed to the world, and for easy access. If you are a bundle of nerves, ask the doctor for a Valium. You will be asked to lie down on a table, and asked to turn on to your left side. The doctor or nurse will place a large amount of lubricant in your butt to make the insertion of a long flexible rod in your butt easier. If you have been given a Valium – you will not really care what they plan to put up your butt! As the rod is slowly placed into your butt, turn your head to the television monitor – for you will be able to see, in real time – what the doctor is inspecting. There will be slight pressure, as the rod makes its journey to selected areas of your rectum and lower bowel. You may hear the doctor mumble, “Hmm, What is that? Okay, let’s go here; take a picture of this and that…” The doctor may also take a biopsy of a polyp or two. You will not feel a thing. When he takes pictures, you will see the flash go off in your butt on the TV screen. As the procedure continues, you will feel more pressure. Other than the pressure, that is all the discomfort you will feel. After about thirty minutes (or longer – depending on what the doctor wants to look at) the rod is slowly removed. It will take about ten minutes to clean up in the bathroom, and about an hour for all the air to escape your butt. You will be encouraged to walk – This will help the air trapped in your lower bowel to escape. You will fart a lot for about two hours. Once you exit the doctor’s office – Go have a well deserved hearty breakfast or lunch – for you deserve it! When you get home, have a huge smile on your face to show your wife, daughter, son, or girlfriend. When they ask, “How did it go?” Just reply, “It was a piece of cake – every man my age should get this test done!” Yes, I know, you will still be under the influence of the Valium – However, keep enjoying the temporary feeling! When you have fully recovered from the experience, you will not want to talk about it, again! The only thing you will say to others is, “Real Men Go and Have the Flexible Sigmoidoscopy Procedure!” Well, that is all I know – Bottoms Up! –LOL! ------------ Email Argile Stox: argilestox@gmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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