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 By Jack Lepiarz Feb. 6, 2006 I spent the past weekend in New Brunswick at a Hyatt Regency Hotel attending the Elks Peer Leadership Conference. I arrived Friday morning and left at noon on Sunday. Over the course of my two days there, I met a number of people. Some of them were leaders, and some of them weren't fit to lead a snail. Most of those in attendance looked like they fell under the second category. Don't get me wrong, some of the people I met were incredibly intelligent people who were outgoing and wouldn't hesitate for a moment to stand up for what they believed in. On the other hand, I met a lot of folks who were such idiots that they had to resort to throwing "Pringle bombs" out of their balcony. I assumed a different name while attending the conference for a number of different reasons. The primary of which being that I am incredibly paranoid. There happened to be several people going to the conference that I had met on various occasions and had no desire to speak to. Hence the new identity. At the same time, I also enjoyed having a new name for 36 hours (I went back to Jack on Sunday morning). Having someone call me Liam was certainly an interesting experience. But anyway, on to the conference itself. I'm guessing the food must have had laxatives in it, or something, because nearly every single person at the conference found themselves feeling sick and rushing to the bathroom after EVERY meal. However, we soon solved this problem by smuggling what decent food they gave us up to our rooms. This, in turn, led to the game of breadball. If that weren't enough, I repeatedly found myself getting "buttlock," as one guest speaker put it. For those of you that don't know, buttlock is when your rear end falls asleep from sitting on it for too long. And let's put it this way, sitting in one chair for five hours straight eating a sickening dinner, watching a movie on drugs while feeling like you have to throw up, and then watching act after act of a talent show bomb will most certainly give you "buttlock." Now, I understand that talent shows aren't exactly top-notch performing. I don't care if someone goes flat once or twice in a song, or misses a joke. But when you have one person doing stand-up comedy for nearly ten minutes without getting any laughs, then you've got a problem. Even I can get at least one laugh in that time. The young man made a good attempt, and his material was original, but good God, it was painful to watch. On the other hand, I don't want to make it sound like the trip was Hell on Earth. Not quite. The Elks may have treated me like an inmate, but after seeing the stupid actions of some of my floor mates, I can understand why they did this. The speakers there were absolutely terrific. There wasn't a single speaker that I didn't enjoy. I had fun at the Friday night dance, although it would have been better if it had taken place on Saturday night when I knew more people. I met some interesting people (although I will probably not remain in touch with too many of them, if any), and overall, I thought they did a decent job. And I got a chance to brush up on my religion while reading the Bible during one of the portions of free time when I couldn't think of anything to do. Well, not actually reading it so much as listening to my Jewish roommate read specific passages (Hint: Leviticus 15). All in all, I thought that the Elks Conference could have been better, but given the enormity of the operation and the actions of my peers, I thought they did a decent job. I thought that it could have been better, but that it definitely did a good job of educating myself and my peers on something other than drugs and alcohol. ------------ About the author: Jack Lepiarz is a senior at Madison High School. Born in Waco, Texas, he lived with the Big Apple Circus for much of his early childhood, eventually moving to Madison, New Jersey, where he now resides. Although he is often described as stubborn and egotistical, he tries to keep an open-mind towards new ideas and treat people the way he would like to be treated. Email: Jackwuzhere42@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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