The Public Relations Summit

Articles

The Public Relations Summit

By Patrick Hurley
Dec. 4, 2006

(Several people are gathered in a Motel 6 room looking worried and anxious. They include, President Bush, Michael Richards, Brittney Spears, OJ Simpson, Mel Gibson, Katie Couric, Borat and Hillary Clinton. Just outside the door is the USC football team and the several priests from the Los Angeles Catholic Diocese)

President Bush: "Okay, we are all here because everyone of us has a public relations problem...uh, (motions to the people crowding at the door) can you back away a little bit, we need to shut the door. but we have our own problems in here, okay? (OJ shuts the door and flashes the V sign) Now, let's get down to BIZNESS! We ticked off America and we got some repentin' to do here. If we don't suck up properly, we are lookin' down the gun barrel..."

OJ: "If I did it...I used a KNIFE!"

President Bush: "Well pardner, you did do it and you need to come clean or your line of commercial endorsements will be pretty SLIM from here on out..."

Borat: "What is these, what you say...comical endorsers?"

President Bush: "Goin' on television and pitchin' products. Telling people what to wear, how to smell, what tires to buy, sellin' soup, slinging the sh..."

Borat: (holding up his feces in a bag) "You mean like THESE?"

(The Secret Service immediately confiscates the bag and pins him up against the wall far away from the President)

Mel: (Watching Borat get handcuffed) "Been there, done THAT!"

Hillary: "I don't think you can arrest someone for being politically incorrect..."

Michael: "Yeah, but you sure can ruin his stand up career!"

President Bush: "You never had a stand up career. You just crashed through doors and into walls for a bunch of years. You think that was FUNNY?"

Michael: "Almost as funny as you crashing through Iraq and declaring victory in a week, huh?"

Katie: "I know how the President feels. I declared victory as the first female anchor in national news history after one DAY!"

Brittney: "Try having a baby without a clue.."

OJ: "I think Nicole was pregnant...that's why I, uh, woulda used a KNIFE!"

(One of the priests outside the door yells out) "Let me hear your confession, my son!"

OJ: "Kiss mine, porno padre..."

President Bush: "Okay, okay, I am beginning to see why we are all HERE! We have said and done things that offended people and we need to get our reputations back on track. None of us want to die with a stigmata attached to us, do we?"

Borat: (Sitting in the corner wrapped in duct tape) "What is this STIGMATA?"

Michael: "It's the President's way of saying he's stupid."

President Bush: "STUPID, huh? After 9/11 I HAD to invade some countries. Maybe I picked the wrong ones, geesh! No one is perfect."

Hillary: "You might have tried a nation that actually attacked US, dim bulb."

Mel: "Things are getting testy here. Maybe we should all watch, "The Passion of Christ."

Katie: "Yeah, a lot of good it did you..."

Brittney: "Passion means fruit, right?"

OJ: "No, passion means murder is understandable when the one you love has sex with a bimbo..."

Hillary: "I hear that!"

Brittney: "I have sex and I'm a bimbo!"

Katie: "My husband, who was my sexual partner tragically died. I am still grieving over him."

Borat: "What is these GRAVING?"

President Bush: "It is when we used to have something we all cherished and because something bad happened it was all taken away from us...like my dumb, dumb, DUMB decision to send troops into Iraq..."

OJ: "Killing Nicole and Ron....and not being able to make a fortune off it."

The USC football team chants: "U-C-L-A!"

Katie: "Walter Cronkite..."

Hillary: "Being a man's man."

One of the priests screams: "Pee Wee Herman DVD's!"

Mel: "I have no idea since I am part Jewish..."

Michael: "That's your PROBLEM, hymie!"

Brittney: "That darn car seat..."

President Bush: "Well, I think we are all gonna be okay because I brought in someone who is an expert on spinning something bad into something good. He is the master of getting away with a crime, making bad decisions and convincing everyone he is good and kind and truly the victim no matter what he does. He is gonna give us all the advice we need to make us popular again no matter what our mistakes, crimes, losses, stupidity or prejudicialness...."

(The group all turns to the door as it opens and chants) "TED KENNEDY!"

Ted: (Holding a drink in his hand as he winks...) "Anyone need a ride home?"

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About the author:

Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California.

Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net

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