Realpolitik And Reality

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Realpolitik And Reality

By Brooks A. Mick, M.D.
Dec. 4, 2006

Mark Twain once said "The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug." Many are claiming that it is time for the "realpolitik" approach of negotiations and concessions and compromise and endless talking. Whether realpolitik and reality are at all congruent is debatable, however. (One could say the same about "progressive" and real progress, for that matter. They are often opposites, not similar at all though they sound much alike.)

Let's imagine that various actors on the Middle East scene could be brought around a table--perhaps even a round table--and listen in on the negotiations and compromises. I hid a tape recorder under the table.

Ahmadinejad: "Governments are there to serve their own people. No people wants to side with or support any oppressors. But regrettably, the U.S. administration disregards even its own public opinion and remains in the forefront of supporting the trampling of the rights of the Palestinian people."

Chief Negotiator for the USA Jimmy Carter: "I agree with that, absolutely. Let's work toward an agreement that will grant those rights to the Palestinians. What is it that they want?"

Jihad Jaara, a senior member of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades: "We wish to destroy Israel in a mighty fire and kill all Jews."

Jimmy Carter: "I can understand that. How about we work toward a win-win situation? What if you just kill half the Jews and then accept a peace treaty?"

Jihad Jaara: (Snickers behind his hand.) "Certainly, President Carter, we'll be glad to do that. We have agreed to dozens of peace treaties in the past, why not another one?"

Muhammad Saadi, a senior leader of Islamic Jihad in the northern West Bank town of Jenin: "I am overjoyed that Democrats have won the election and thus we have such reasonable negotiators to bamboozle--I mean with which to negotiate. As for me, I too wish to kill all the Jews, but will settle for half now if America will pull out of Iraq. I was so looking forward to the 'redeployment' after you Democrats took over. What is taking so long?"

Jimmy Carter: "I must apologize, Mr. Saadi, but we are surrendering--I mean redeploying--as fast as we can. But the problem is the American people are just not quite sold on this marvelous plan yet. Especially since we haven't really explained it to them yet. I must say that allowing North Korea to acquire nuclear weapons was much easier, as the North Koreans could hide their facilities underground, but pulling out our troops would have to be done in plain sight."

Abu Ayman, an Islamic Jihad leader in Jenin: "I myself am a man with only a modest request. I too will settle for killing half the Jews now if you will only put in writing the statement that Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. I've been longing to see such."

Jimmy Carter: "I think that's been in the New York Times several times, Mr. Ayman."

Ayman: "Ah, but that's not quite the same as if a former president of the USA said it."

Carter: "I'll check some of my old speeches--I may have said it already."

Ayman: "I appreciate that very much."

Madeleine Albright, Deputy Negotiator: "As for other concessions--I mean negotiations and compromises--how about if we pay each poor oppressed terrorist a million dollars if they just put down their arms and sign a peace treaty?"

Ahmadinejad: "I am afraid, Mr. Ex-President, that we are religious fanatics here, indoctrinated since birth, and our loony subjects--I mean our proud jihadists--would rather martyr ourselves than give up their burning desire to destroy Israel and convert the entire world to Islam. Besides, we have so darned much oil here that offering us money isn't much of an incentive. You pay us the money anyway for the oil! However, we might see fit to accept your money if you promise not to drill for your own oil and gas."

Jimmy Carter: "Why that's certainly a reasonable compromise!” (Note to self: Send a snotty note to George W. Bush pointing out how easy it is to negotiate peace with these people.)

Abu Abdullah of Hamas: "As I have said, an American pullout of Iraq would help convince the Palestinians and the rest of the Muslim fanatic world that it is possible to effectively fight the Great Satan. Isn't there something you could do to hurry this up?"

Madeleine Albright: "I must protest, as we can't allow people of other countries to call our president The Great Satan. Only Democrats are allowed to do that."

Abu Abdullah: "I was referring to your entire infidel country, the USA, as the Great Satan."

Albright: "Well, that's OK then. Sorry for interrupting. Here, have some cookies I baked just for this meeting. It’s the same recipe I used for Kim Jong Il."

Carter: "As I said, we're surrendering as fast as we can."

Abdullah: (Under his breath, to Ahmadinejad, in Arabic) "When are you going to have those goddamn nuclear bombs finished? We may have to nuke Manhattan and Chicago after all."

Madeleine Albright: "What was that Mr. Abdullah? I didn't catch it."

Abdullah: "I said, 'how enjoyable it is to negotiate with Democrats as compared to Republicans. You serve much better cookies."

Albright: (Blushing) "Why thank you so much!"

Abdullah: "One thing, though--could you perhaps wear a burqa to our next negotiation meeting and a veil?"

Ahmadinejad: "We must move on to more serious things. Another request is that we initiate Sharia Law in Great Britain, France, Germany, and Spain immediately, and in the rest of Europe as soon as we breed and immigrate enough Muslim terrorists to create mayhem."

Carter: "I'm afraid I can't speak for all of Europe, but it sure sounds to me as though the leaders of those countries are ready to knuckle under--I mean compromise--with you on that already. Perhaps you should just directly approach Chirac et al."

Ahmadinejad: "I'll take that into consideration. But how about the USA? We have many Muslims in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and elsewhere forced to obey the infidel laws of the United States of America and its hated Constitution. Religious freedom--bah, humbug! We demand that Sharia Law be established wherever Muslims live inside your borders."

Carter: "Let's compromise. How about we start with Ann Arbor alone and then talk about it later?"

Ahmadinejad: (Snickering) "Certainly, we are in a compromising mood for now."

At this point, our hidden tape recorder batteries died and we don't have a clue how the rest of the negotiations progressed. I do note that many of the words spoken by the terrorists are actual quotes from their prior statements. Here is another actual quote from someone of great insight, Ayn Rand: "In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit."

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About the author Brooks A. Mick: Physician, still practicing medicine but retired from the US Army. Write just for the fun of it, but working on novel in the vein of Tom Clancy's politico-military genre.

Email: brooks15@cox.net

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