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By Patrick Hurley Aug. 31, 2006 People are getting Dumber. Evidence of this is the family of the nutcase who deliberately drove his car into sixteen people this week in San Francisco. His relatives went on record saying he was, "unstable." Brilliance, pure intellectual brilliance. The insights of human beings today continue to amaze me and make me wish for a quick end to our civilization. I don't even KNOW this whack job and I can see he is a looney tune! Please put me out of my misery soon... Women and their Tresses The average woman spends two and one half YEARS on her hair over a lifetime. That statistic is so staggering it makes it difficult for me to breathe. You cannot tell me that this obsession with hair is purely for the man in their life. There is no way that is true. Women just love to look at themselves over and over and OVER. And, the years go by... The Boulder District Attorney Mary Lacey now says, "I will take complete responsibility for the decision to arrest John Mark Karr. I am the one who made the decision." Good. Now, we hope that the people who are in a position to fire her sorry butt will take complete responsibility, too. Let her be a crossing guard in New Mexico in her new job. There is nothing more dangerous in a society than ignorance in action, Mary... Katie Couric gets "Slimmer" Welcome to Photo Shop! The technology that can take an average person and make them more glamorous in a variety of ways. Katie Couric is going on television this week and we can't have a plump heifer giving us our national news on CBS, now can we? Nooooooo. Or should I say, Moooooooo! Katie is not the only slimmy these days. Photo Shop worked magic with Rosie "Twiggy" O'Donnell, too! Now, it can continue to be named, "The View," instead of, "The Views"... Katrina Anniversary Slow news week. So, we are battered and hammered by Katrina type blowhards who remind us RELENTLESSLY that it has been one year since that hurricane hit the Gulf Coast. It is like having a root canal and having your dentist call you several times a day one year later to remind you of the pain. Gee, let's have a tragedy and RELIVE it just in case it wasn't hurtful enough the first time around. In that spirit I must go see the entertaining, "9/11." I need a picker upper... CNN Anchor takes us to the Bathroom! I normally love Kyra Phillips. I have been watching her for five years now. She loves to change her hair, sometimes wear her glasses, sometimes not, but her greatest publicity move was when she took her microphone on a break during President Bush's speech into the ladies room and let her zipper and her negative comments about her sister-in-law become a national voyeuristic pleasure. She laughed about it later, but I would hate to be her brother trying to separate the two ladies at the next family get together... Gasoline is going "down" to $2.00 per gallon The scam is now a success. The oil companies have us cheering because gasoline is ONLY going to be $2.00 at the pump by November. Only? Do we have the attention span of a GERBIL? We should be outraged at the way they took the prices to Jupiter and only brought them back as far as the moon. This is like celebrating that our rent went up LESS than what we thought it would be! Hooray. I feel so much better now... Can the world end SOON? Please. ------------ About the author:   Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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