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Apr. 30, 2006 The Catholic religion is just one of many and probably one of the largest ones out there. All the religions have the same goal in mind but the methods change on how they worship. Still, the basics are their and God is the main objective. Now having said this, my objective is to ask questions of the Catholics. We all have the practicing thing down and reading the bible is a must but my questions are as follows. Where in the bible does it say “Thou must attach a silver dollar under a statue of the Virgin Mary before you place it on your front lawn?” As for my second question and now I know you are sitting if you are reading this but, well, get up and sit again because here it goes. Many Catholics say "If you want to sell your homes, bury a statue of St. Joseph on your property and it will sell fast.” Now friends I don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as I have my plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car. My saint Christopher metal will protect me when I am traveling but I'll just bet the hotel bill won't be less expensive. Well I went out and bought a St. Joseph statue and buried it in my front yard. My home didn't sell any faster but the guy at the statue store is now living in Las Vegas. As for placing coins under Madonna Statues, I tipped over as many as I could find and never found one silver coin so I guess a collector beat me to it. I was a public school kid for six years when my mother decided to send me to a catholic school for one year. It was different in many ways. I was learning my seven times tables when I left fifth grade and when I arrived in my new catholic school they were doing calculus. I raised my hand to ask the Nun what she was talking about and she started to come after me. I was pooping bricks. No teacher ever headed towards me with flames coming from their nose and smoke shooting out from both ears. I covered my face as any good catholic would when a fist was heading to their face and she stopped dead in her tracks. Then like a miracle a ruler floated across the room and into her hand. She hit my hands about three times. Imagine that, getting hit for being new. The Monsignor came to grace himself in our classroom. A monsignor was one step ahead of a priest but one below a Bishop and not Joey either. The class was opened to a question and answer period. I asked him why he wore a dress. I was having deja vu when he headed my way with the fire and smoke shooting everywhere. I held out my hands expected to get hit but he just yelled a lot. By the smell of beer on his breath I knew the storm would soon be over. Yelling at me like that just sounded like the adult on a "Peanuts" cartoon. Being behind in my learning and the threats of violence plus needing money every time I turned around for books and other things the school needed, needless to say I was back in public school by the time I was in the seventh grade. St. Gerard was another great saint and zany superstition in my neighborhood. He is the patron saint of childbirth. That's not the strange thing. When a parade came around in the neighborhood about ten Italians carried a statue of St Gerard and everyone would come out of their homes to pin money on it. I would always be the last one on that parade to pick up any bills that blew off. Well I am not any designated religionist anymore. The church saw to that when they wouldn't let a fifteen year old in because he wasn't accompanied by an adult. The church also saw to that when its sanctimonious doors were locked one day when a woman was being chased through the streets of Newark looking for a safe heaven. These days I am just a worshiper of the man upstairs. He doesn't tell me when I can and can't eat meat. He doesn't tell any woman when to have a child or what birth control to use, he just listens patiently and that's all that really matters. ------------ About the author: Bob D Caterino is a writer that we all either hate or love. His work can be found at http://www.ebookmall.com/ebook/163906-ebook.htm. My website: www.geocities.com/bdcaterino I found this fan site aimed towards me: http://www.geocities.com/goombabobby He hopes the death threats will stop. Its only words he uses. Laugh and lighten up will ya? Email: VitoGoomba@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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