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Apr. 28, 2005 Paula Abdul should be kicked to the curb and the producers of the hit television show American Idol should start looking for her replacement. Might I suggest producer extraordinaire Missy Elliot? Or R and B crooner Jermaine Jackson? Abdul is so spacey that she makes Paris Hilton look like Condoleezza Rice. First of all, how can a washed up singer—who at the height of her career was a mediocre vocalist at best—stand in judgment over people who possess vastly superior ability? Granted, while neither co-stars Randy Jackson nor Simon Cowell can carry a tune, they are industry professionals adept at assessing a singer’s vocal quality and how it relates to stage persona, song choice, etc. For Abdul to criticize someone for “pitch” problems would be like Michael Jackson lambasting someone’s parenting skills. Rumor has it that Abdul is tone deaf and has problems singing in certain keys. Former Mary Jane Girl Yvette Marine sued Abdul and the producers of her mega-hit “Opposites Attract” because she supposedly sand many of the lead vocals while Abdul was given the credit. When Marine went unpaid she sued—and lost. Still, Abdul soon became Vanilla Ice before Vanilla Ice did, and she hasn’t recorded since. While Abdul is a brilliant choreographer, having worked with stars such as Janet Jackson, Missy Elliot and her Michael Jackson, she is out of her element as a judge. Her critiques are always prefaced by some saccharin, pseudo-intellectual analysis where she parrots her cohort Randy Jackson. Abdul has had an up and down (pun intentional) past two years, beginning with accusations of a tryst with 2005 Idol contestant Cory Clark. This was followed by a bizarre rant on one of this season’s earlier episodes. Last week she engaged in a Farrah-Fawcett-on-Letterman type of episode where she was all at once weepy, circumlocutory and boisterous. She has also had a run in at a party where she alleges she was assaulted; an incident at an airport where she managed to circumvent security. Before last season began there were reports that Abdul was on the outs with producers tiring of her “act.” Popular New York radio personality Wendy Williams was rumored to be waiting in the wings. That rumors died when Williams quit during her guest run As for the first rant, it spawned rumors that Abdul was showing up drunk at tapings for the show. Show host and metrosexual pin-up boy Ryan Seacrest asked Abdul about the performance of two contestants and Abdul went on with her macabre version of ‘Simon Says’: “Simon said because one of them ate pizza and the other ate salad.” A confused Seacrest gave her an opportunity to explain herself and she followed up her weird rap by slurring, “What did you tell me Simon? What did you tell me? Simon gave me advice and said on ‘The X ‘Factor’ he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the cornflake always.” Huh? Idol producers recently announced that Abdul had signed on for three more years, but if she lasted another three hours she’d be overstaying her welcome. Time to do to her what Burger King did to Herb—kick her to the curb—and with the quickness. ------------ About the author: Timothy N. Stelly, Sr. is a 46-year old poet, novelist and aspiring screenwriter who resides in northern California with his three youngest children--Lawrence, Kimberly and Dante. He is a member of various writer's groups and has three novels in print, his most recent, "Like A Straight-Up Sucka," is available at www.lulu.com. website: http://stellbreadO@tripod.com Email: stellbread@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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