Struggling Against Depression

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Struggling Against Depression

By Kaycee Nilson
Apr. 27, 2006

All my life, I have battled depression in one form or another. I have Manic Depression 1, as I have written about in the past. Well lately I've been in a depressive mode. I do not know what hit me or why.

Depression doesn't just hurt mentally, it does have physical manifestations that they talk about on the TV. Well kids, personally, they are right. I ache all over like I had the flu. But at least my back pain stays steady and constant. I tell people that's how I know I'm not dead yet.

I have lost my appetite and have to force myself to eat. I have caught myself yelling at the kids. I have caught myself crying for no reason. Wedding invitation samples came in yesterday and I cried when I saw them.

My friend Wanda came over yesterday and she didn't like one of the samples and I cried. I cried when I looked at the wedding dress online and decided I didn't like any of the ones I looked at. I looked at myself in the mirror and cried.

Someone has been scrubbing off the morning glories it took me 8 hours to paint in the bathroom and I cried over that. I have a birthday party for the youngest child on Sunday and I have no energy to re- paint what someone has decided to take down what I worked so hard on to improve the look of the shabbiness of the bathroom. All I can do is to sit on the toilet and cry over scrubbed off acrylic.

I don't know why anyone would take it upon themselves to undo something that I spent hours and careful brush strokes to create. What's next? A layer of white over the roses in the hall over the top of the archway leading into the kitchen? Repaint my kitchen that I slaved over to make look like a spring garden?

I almost feel like there is a conspiracy in my home to take down everything I have done to make this place more me. What's to happen to the magnolia blossoms? Or my new slip covers for the sofa and loveseat? I'm more sad than mad at this point. I look at the Morning Glories that are still left and I can't help but feel sad for them. The ones left look so lonely.

If I find out who did this to my bathroom, I'm going to lift my leg, miraculously and kick someone. It's not their bathroom and not their decision to scrub them off. I need to find out who did this and make them repaint them.

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About the author: Kaycee Nilson has completed her first novel, "Night Falls on Chicago." The first two chapters can be viewed at http://www.KayceeNilson.com.

Besides writing columns for Useless-Knowledge and Speedway Media, Kaycee is currently working on two more novels, "From the Mind of a Vampire", and "I'll Love You Til You Die."

If you have enjoyed what you read, or would like to leave Kaycee a message, please visit her message board at http://www.KayceeNilson.com/Board

Email: Kaycee@kayceenilson.com

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