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 By Patrick Hurley Apr. 10, 2006 If I were someone thinking about going away for a week to an island for a hedonistic escape, I would definitely consider the country of Aruba. Lush palm trees...beautiful beaches...friendly natives and lots of drinking, dancing and, well, you know.... It is the Land of Paradise. From the statuesque lighthouse at the tip of the island marking its history to the raucous Carlos and Charlie's where belly shots and pounding music play to the younger crowd. Visiting this tropical heaven is a must in one's lifetime. According to the Aruba marketing brochure. But, upon closer examination, I would rather visit another island that is at least HONEST about it's advertising.... Alcatraz. Sitting majestically in the San Francisco Bay is the former federal prison. Experiencing it means a walking tour and headphones. You get to see the famous yard where Al Capone hung out with his cronies and the cell where Frank Morris dug his way out with a refurbished spoon never to be seen again. It is not paradise, but this island tourist spot possesses something Aruba sadly lacks... Truth in advertising. If you like to roll a log over and see the contamination underneath, then Aruba is your destination. They show you the outer package, not the rotted underbelly. You can climb on their rocks but you will slip on their slime. You can visit their nightspots but you may be drugged by their drinks. You can enjoy their citizens but you may never survive the night. Aruba only tells you about the fun, not your fate. "Come on down! Walk the streets, fend off the drug dealers hitting you up at every corner! Love our prostitutes and discover our dangerous dark side! But, if you get into any kind of trouble it will be YOUR bad, not ours!" The Island of Personal Irresponsibility. Let me count the ways for they are pathetically arranged.... A police chief who is good friends with the main suspect's father. He retires after making certain the case to find a missing Natalee Holloway goes sufficiently off the track to guarantee it will never be solved so that one of Aruba's finest citizens will remain eternally free. An attorney general, so inept, she not only avoids the American press, she despises them. She is removed from the case by the embarrassed Dutch government, but only after badly botching it. A deputy police chief who makes Curly Joe look like James Bond. His main contribution to the Holloway case is telling the world she probably overdosed on her drug habit even though she never had a drug habit. The guy who does have a drug habit, his brother, was his main informant. He was taken off the case last week. His brother is still out there making Aruba even more special. The Dutch government, internationally criticized for their Bud Selig impersonation of never resolving ANYTHING, finally agrees to a symbolic fly by with their jets over the water as IF that will produce a dead body. All it did was disorient the jellyfish. And, speaking of jellyfish, the marshmallow-spined spokespeople for this Island of Irresponsibility, Arlene Schipper, Julia Renfro and Reuben Trappenburg kept chiding Americans on the greatness of Dutch law and the impatience of our need for answers. Nice stall tactic. Did the three of you enjoy your time on television? Did it allow you to gain an agent and maybe a more lucrative career here in America, the country you really want to work for? It was so nice listening to all your interviews; but then again, I loved hearing Scott Peterson and OJ Simpson speak, too. A month from now, it will be the first anniversary of Natalee Holloway's disappearance. How wonderful to be able to celebrate it as the END of Aruba's propaganda machine's year-long campaign to not only exonerate anyone involved in her death but to exalt an island that claims it is the kind of paradise all Americans will be be happy to visit and enjoy in a safe and secure environment.... At least that is what the brochure says. ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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