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 By Patrick Hurley Apr. 5, 2006 Desperate to reverse their slumping tourist trade, the country of Aruba headed by the crack shill team of Joe Tacopina (Joran's lawyer), Arlene Schipper (media whore), Julia Renfro (how did this woman ever get hired ANYWHERE?) and Deputy Chief "Did I just get FIRED?" Dompig, have presented a new set of myths that leave me hysterically laughing. Maybe they all believe we are as dumb as THEY are! Guess what? We are not. So, let's get to these silly myths and remove them from the universe of the absurd which these afore-mentioned people have created with the help of their delusional network of internet bloggers. MYTH: Natalee Holloway went back to her hotel room three times AFTER she left in a car with Joran Van der Sloot. TRUTH: No one saw Natalee after she was with the pathologically lying Dutch boy. NO one. This "breaking news" last night on Greta's boring and inane interview show is a twisted rehash of the facts in Dave Holloway's book and Lawyer Joe should be ashamed of himself trying to make anyone believe it. Natalee's KEY CARD was used three times, yes; as Dave writes, but it had NOTHING to do with Natalee. Almost a year later, Tacopina would have us revisit the history of this case and now he alleges Natalee was SEEN at 3:30 a.m. at the Holiday Inn. Uh huh. Sure. Did you know that we actually won the battle of the Alamo, the moon landing was faked and JFK was only wounded in Dallas that day, too? According to this media slobbering attorney, he will say ANYTHING to get his name out there at the expense of the truth. Sorry, Joe, it ain't so and you know it! You just love making good theater. MYTH: Natalee Holloway went to a party on New Year's Eve with her friends therefore she was an alcohol and drug-riddled slut who deserved to die. TRUTH: Uh, no. The pictures that were circulated looked like normal teens illegally drinking with their friends. These "shocking" photos could have been duplicated in every suburb and rural town in any American state. I used to drink before I was 21, does that mean I should be murdered, too? As you read this, I would bet there could have been pictures of YOU and your friends partying hard. Were you also a candidate for terrible things to happen to you, as well? Absurd, simply ridiculous. MYTH: Natalee had drugs in her possession therefore, she probably overdosed. TRUTH: For a deputy chief, Dompig is now Jeanne Dixon! What other psychic insights does he possess? Hillary Clinton is really a LESBIAN? Ashlee Simpson can actually SING? Jesse Jackson is really a CAUCASIAN? What does Dompig do all day in that office of his? Play John Lennon's song, "Imagine?" Because a teenager from Mountain Brook SAYS Natalee had drugs on her, (which is not in any documented record of the investigation) does not mean she overdosed on them. That is like saying Amelia Earhart probably crashed in the Pacific because people said she drank too much coffee. Dompig is not only an embarrassement to the Aruban police force, he is an embarrassment to psychics! MYTH: Beth should just "give it up!" she is annoying too many people. TRUTH: As a parent of a missing child, Beth is in the first year of a LIFELONG crusade to not only find her daughter but to find justice for her, as well. Anyone who complains about that concept I have a wish for them....lose a loved one. Sitting back and judging a grieving parent when you have all your family members intact is the epitome of self-righteous and narrow-minded smugness. It is not the clueless who should be giving their opinions here. The only person who should determine when it is time for Beth to quit searching is Beth so get over YOURSELF, loser. MYTH: Beth is sitting on millions of dollars in her scam to make money off this tragedy. TRUTH: It must be nice being a writer without any boundaries. You can make up anything you want to and there are idiots out there who will believe anything you proclaim because it FITS their conspiracy theory, as well. I can see the silly mind games now, "Boy, I bet that Twitty woman is buying all kinds of things with that money she has raised...she is evil! I think I will make up things I bet she is buying and throw it out there and see how many people will be sucked in by my assertions. I LOVE dumb readers. Yeah, baby!" Without dumb readers, you wouldn't have a FOLLOWING! MYTH: All of us who wrote about Joran the Wonder Liar and his hallucinating father are going to be served lawsuits by Joe Tacopina. TRUTH: I have been hearing about this ridiculous lie for three months now. Funny, I haven't been summoned yet. Maybe my lawsuit got lost in the mail. Damn! I hate when that happens. Somehow, I get the feeling it will be eternally lost in the mail. Unfortunately, the THREAT of a lawsuit makes a lot of people out there happy. They want so badly to punish anyone who talks trash about their darling Joran who would not recognize the truth if it bit him in the ass. So, their defense of him closely resembles his own modus operandi....more lies. There will be no lawsuits. Joran is lucky to be out of jail and eventually Joe Tacopina will quietly go back to oblivion where he belongs. There is no case here because there is no body. Right Paulus? MYTH: People are sick of the Natalee Holloway case. TRUTH: The overwhelming majority of Americans still want to know what happened to this sweet girl despite the efforts of Aruba and its carnival barkers and writers to make it go away. You don't make a wonderful young lady disappear and get away with it. And, that's the truth. ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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