The World's Worst Painters

Articles

The World's Worst Painters

By Thomas Keyes
Dec. 31, 2005

I received some correspondence in response to my recent article “Some of My Favorite Paintings,” reproaching me because I had not mentioned any paintings by Vincent Van Gogh, Jackson Pollock and other modern painters, as if perhaps it had just slipped my mind to place busts of Van Gogh and Pollock in their rightful niches in my pantheon of great painters along with busts of Raphael, Rubens, Botticelli and David.

To me this is roughly comparable to telling me, when I had named, as the greatest composers of all time, Bach, Vivaldi and Handel, that I had forgotten Ringo Starr, Bob Dylan or Iced Tea. Or should I say this is like telling me that I should have included J. D. Salinger and Allen Ginsberg in my list of great writers, alongside Homer, Shakespeare and Goethe?

Anyway, I decided that since the abovesaid unmentioned painters were indeed famous, perhaps I should devote an article to them as well, and therefore I am posting this article.

No doubt, someone will tell me I do not know anything about art or that I fail to appreciate most contemporary art, and I accept that. If being a connoisseur requires that I drool over the paintings of the likes of Van Gogh and Pollock, let me remain in my philistine ignorance forever. But lest someone suppose I dislike all modern painters, I’ll list the URL’s of three modern paintings that I do like, Millet’s “The Angelus”, Breton’s “The Song of the Lark”, and Liliya Pavlova’s “The Path”.

http://www.picturalissime.com/t/millet_angelus.jpg

http://www.artsforge.com/agallery/lark.html

http://www.1001art.net/Path.html

Now let me get on to the real business of this article, which is to trash those painters that I do not like.

I can hardly believe that, at one time, like all the other young sophisticates, I too oohed-and-aahed over some of the painters that I am going to mention. I even had a large reproduction of Picasso’s “Güérnica” on the wall of my apartment when I was about 25. I might just as easily have had a reproduction of a truly beautiful painting, but I was moved by fads, fashions and peer-pressure. Anyway, here is the monstrosity:

http://www.mdvnet.com/images/inputs/guernica.jpg

I do pride myself in that I never, even in those dark youthful days, cottoned to the paintings of Vincent Van Gogh, and I hope that the next specimen makes it clear why:

http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/gogh/gogh.mountain-st-remy.jpg

Another unmitigated clown whose paintings I once claimed I thought were “way out” or “avant garde” is Joán Miró. ('Joán' is just a variant of 'Juán'; Miró was a man.) Couldn’t any schoolchild do as well?

http://www.abcgallery.com/M/miro/miro66.html

Now we come to Jackson Pollock, also known as Jack the Dripper, who sometimes merely spread canvas on the floor and spilled paint from tubes or buckets.

http://kaliweb.com/jacksonpollock/images/art/stenographic.jpg

Then of course we mustn’t forget Paul Klee, Amadeo Modigliani and Wassily Kandinsky.

http://www.sai.msu.su/wm/paint/auth/klee/klee.insula-dulcamara.jpg

http://www.abcgallery.com/M/modigliani/modigliani11.html

http://www.abcgallery.com/K/kandinsky/kandinsky5.html

I know. I know. If you pick up book after book of art criticism, you’ll read nothing but raves for these painters, without a syllable of dispraise or contempt. The quarterlies will be full of laudatory reviews. Collectors will pay millions for any of the above paintings, and many others like them. But I am not persuaded.

------------

About the author Thomas Keyes: I have written two books: A SOJOURN IN ASIA (non-fiction) and A TALE OF UNG (fiction), neither published so far.

I have studied languages for years and traveled extensively on five continents.

Email: udikeyes@yahoo.com

Tell a friend about this site!

------------

All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED!