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Dec. 15, 2005 Most folks that don't spend any time around the atheist vs. theist and related debates on the Internet are probably unfamiliar with this idea, but there are a variety of satirical religions that have been "created" on the Internet. I've made one myself, the faith is called Quakerism. First I'll give a quick background, then I'll teach some stuff about Quackerism, and then I'll talk briefly about some other, similar, very funny, websites. My girlfriend was in college at the time and had to write about an object. She had to ponder about motivations related to this object and had to use the theories of psychology to do so. The object was a wooden mallard duck. So, I helped her with her project, and cooked up a religion around the idea, complete with Power Point slide show, pamphlets, documents and website. She of course wrote up the actual psychology paper - my stuff was just the visual aid for her presentation. Here are the Principles of Quakerism, the summary of what the Duck, the true God, expects from us. These are found by combing the OQ, or, OrniQuacker (the true third book from God. The duck on the cover of that book is the actual object around which she needed to do her project):
Here are the Frequently Asked Questions about the Principles: Q: If some scholars think that the Duck might actually be or resemble a Chicken, why is the Devil also thought to be a chicken? A: The Devil is a "hideous chicken" (Duck 5:15). We deduce that the Duck is a beautiful creature. Likewise, so it must be as well if it's a Chicken. Therefore, naturally, the Devil will be hideous - this is common sense. Common sense + scripture = Truth. Q: Isn't being tickled fun sometimes? Can HadeHen really be THAT bad? A: The torture never stops, not EVER. Imagine perpetual side-aches, perpetual breathlessness. Don't forget, that all that squirming attracts the Devil! You will be eaten over and over and over again! Trust us, you want to avoid HadeHen ;) Q: I've heard skeptics say that stars are in fact not fireflies - they teach this in science class as well, what is the Quackerist view on the issue in light of research? A: It's called "faith". Faith tests us, and doesn't always make sense. Besides, items 2 and 3 in the Principles of Quackerisim are true, so the rest must be correct as well. Q: After careful examination, skeptics claim that some items in the Principles of Quackerism conflict with each other - is this true? A: Certainly not - The Duck through God is all knowing! Certain items merely clarify other items! Q: Can't I grill chicken, or, cook it in the oven, perhaps even deep fry it? What's the deal with lemon? A: Sadly, there are many doomed and sick folks in this world. We get asked this offensive question often - we apologize for the profanity in the question, however, it's our duty to educate. The answer is NO: Chicken can only be cooked rotisserie-style, and spiced only with garlic, salt and pepper - absolutely NO lemon! Q: I'm still a bit fuzzy about the origins of Quackerism, about who wrote the OQ and so forth - can you clarify? A: Quackerism is beautiful, life-affirming, faith. It was the original faith, all other faiths are hideous off-shoots, wrong and/or incomplete. Faith is believing without evidence. Faith is good. You were born a Quackerist, you merely forgot - we are all born Quackerists! Q: Some of this sounds like circular logic - how does your faith respond? A: These types of questions obviously come from those without faith. Believe in the Duck and it will all make perfect sense! Besides, item 15, which is backed up by Duck 3:21, clearly states that our religion is the True religion. Here is the website for Quackerism. I haven't updated it in some time. The idea for the two items above, the Principles and the related FAQ, are not entirely original – I adapted the very clever and very funny, “Kissing Hanks Ass”, in large part, to Quackerism. So, much credit for the comedy really goes to that guy. Recently, another UK writer pointed me to this site – a very funny faith – the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – worth a look, full of laughs! Here is an old favorite of mine, Landover Baptist Church, “All Jesus, All The Time!” - it's not a “new” faith per se, but still very funny. Finally, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, probably the oldest such site. The web page may look simplistic, but if you read, there is plenty of good wit there. Quackerism gets inspiration from the IPU – "May Her Hooves Never Be Shod! " Will you squirm when you are pecked? Join us! Get to know the Duck (sometimes lovingly called the Chicken) - you will meet him sooner or later. I love the Duck, and quack that you do too. Try the Duck - what do you have to loose - the Devil will always take you back! Quack! ------------ About the author Frederick Smith: I enjoy writing about the positive virtues of humanism - humanists are the good guys. I now have a blog that I will start to increasingly maintain and update. Here is the link: fredsuberview.blogspot.com/ This is my second foray into the UK writing discordia. This time around, I want to be a tad more raw - maybe a bit edgier (does that sound "art-see"?) Maybe I'll address even more issues that most Americans consider taboo... About my personal background and life: I was born, I got some education, worked, ate, and had some kids. It seems I like to write � something that was unknown to me until relatively recently...How's that for detail? ;) Hate mail is welcome unless you are from the Army Of God. Please! It's not that I mind seeing pictures of aborted fetuses in my inbox, but once you've seen one you've pretty much seen them all... Email: dahlek65@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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