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Dec. 8, 2005 The real story behind Saddam Hussein’s trial is “it’s a fake.” Very similar to the belief held by many paranoid schizophrenics that men never walked on the moon. It was all staged. Saddam Hussein’s trial is staged. The visuals given to the worldwide CNN audience are those of a Hussein look-alike. The real Saddam Hussein is in the Virgin Islands sun-tanning and listening to Pink Floyd and the Counting Crows. An underground interview never before in print has found its way into my email. It was sent to me by King Abdul Lo Mien of Kokomo, a small unheard-of community on the outskirts of Baghdad. According to King Abdul, Saddam is enjoying a much needed vacation on the snow white beaches of St. Thomas. Why the interview was done underground is unknown. Why not a cave? According to the former dictator of Iraq, the United States really is not at war with his former homeland. He stated, “It is a big movie with big movie stars.” When asked who was directing the movie, Hussein shrugged his shoulders and said, “Who else, Spielberg.” Osama Bin Laden is being played by Larry King and Abu Zarqawi is being played by none other than David Spade. Hussein is being played by the hottest male actor in show business, Mike Myers of “Austin Powers” fame. The movie entitled “Victory In Iraq At Any Cost” is being filmed in the Mohave Desert. According to Spielberg staff, the movie is costing millions a day to produce. A musical will eventually be created and funded by proceeds from the Oprah Winfrey Book Club. Rumors of American soldiers dying in the war are simply unfounded gossip. According to Hussein, they really aren’t dead. They are victims of paintballs gone wild. In his words, “the real victims here are the Lying Back-Stabbing Pig-Liver Eating Liberals. They have been fooled into thinking war is bad. It really isn’t so bad.” He said with a smile, “those Blood-Sucking, Snot Sipping Liberals are nothing like the all-powerful, God-fearing, apple pie sucking Conservatives...humane and angelical by nature.”
This epic adventure is coming to a movie near you by the year 2014. According to the former ruler of Iraq, 2014 is the expected date for beating the Vietnam paintball victim count of over 50,000. He predicted in his dirty underground interview that Fred Hedge (a member of the bush family) will be the Republican President bringing all of the actors home from the Mohave Desert. President Hedge will of course have an apartment in the Watergate Complex where his mentor, Richard Nixon, faked a resignation.
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