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Dec. 3, 2005 Names are fascinating. Not names given to children at birth (although Moon Zappa strikes me as a fascinating name), but names given to businesses and churches. In our hometown there is a National City Bank. Is that somewhere near Gotham City? We also have a First Farmers Bank. Do you suppose it really was the “first” farmers’ bank? Maybe. I noticed a bank in another city near us named, First Third Bank of _______. What the heck is that? Is it the first or third? How can you be the first third of anything? How about the Bank Of America? We all know it’s not America’s Bank (if it was America’s bank, it wouldn’t have any money in it), but they still call themselves that. Why? I won’t go to any bank with the word “trust” in its name. I’ve never trusted a banker yet. Churches’ are interesting too. First Assembly of God. Are you telling me it was the very “first” assembly? I don’t think so. How about the Church of Christ Science. Hmm, science and Christ? Jehovah Witness, did you really see the guy? Latter Day Saints, as opposed to...? Methodist, isn’t that someone with a method? I don’t get it. The First United Methodist Church, the others were separated? Some businesses are interesting. There’s a car dealer in my town called Superior Auto. Believe me, there is nothing superior about the junkers they sell. They have a logo that states, “we have our own financing,” is that because nobody else will finance them or is it because they can’t find the First Third Bank? How about Auto Zone? Is that like the Twilight Zone? You walk into the store looking for spark plugs and come out looking like a spark plug. I don’t know. Names of products are kind of interesting too. Like that mattress built with “space technology,” have you seen pictures of those astronauts? They look like they haven’t slept for weeks. I’m not sure I want one of those mattresses. How about that rotisserie (I can’t pronounce the name, or spell it) that you, uh let’s hear it folks “set it and forget it.” I guess you never get to eat anything because you have forgotten it. How about those diets? Lose ten inches in ten days. I’ll tell you this, in sixty days I’d be the size of a small radish. I guess I’d have to buy my clothes from the Keebler elves’ clothing store.
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